WHY THE MILKY WAY HAS AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX

(Picture Audiophile Musings)

The Milky Way has an inferiority complex because it is the only galaxy with human beings.  No other galaxies, in the entire Universe, have human beings on planets in their solar systems.  The other galaxies tease the Milky Way:
"Na! Na! Na! Na! Na!  You have human beings!  You have human beings!" 

The Milky Way has good reason to be ashamed for having human beings:

- Human beings are all the same, but each one sees the others as different.

- Human beings have wars and kill each other for silly reasons.

- Human beings are hypocrites.  Human beings make laws they think apply only to other human beings.  Each human being feels entitled to see himself, or herself, as above the laws they think others must obey. 

The Milky Way wants to wipe out human beings to restore its reputation.  But the Milky Way knows that if it waits long enough, then human beings will destroy themselves--for some silly reason.  

ON IMMUNE SYSTEMS . . .

An immune system walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

The immune system says, "I need something to make me stronger."

The bartender says, "I have just what you need."

The bartender goes away and then comes back with plenty of sunshine; exercise; and a diet high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and low in saturated fats.

The immune system looks at what the bartender brought and says, "I'm sorry, but this looks too dull and too much like work.  Have you got a cigarette, and can you bring me some pizza and a beer?"

***

Q:  Why did the immune system cross the road?

A:  To protect the road from vampires.

***

***

Human beings exist because Earth's immune system is not working properly.

CAUTION: WET FLOOR

 What do you say to caution a wet floor?

Beware!  There's no use crying over spilt milk?

Watch Out!  People like to walk all over you?


 We interrupt this blog to bring something unrelated . . .

We now return you to CAUTION: WET FLOOR . . . 

What do you say?  How do you caution a floor?

You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say may be written down and used against you in a court of law?

 

Beware of the wall!  It's cracked?

Watch out for stuff that falls?

On the planet where floors live, do they have a sign,
 CAUTION:  HUMAN BEINGS ?

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE . . .

 . . . Jian Ghomeshi interviewing Bill Cosby on the topic: Opportunities For Women In The Workplace.

. . . Wonder Woman having sex with The Incredible Hulk.

. . . The death notice for the Dead Sea. (Did it leave a will?)

. . . God admit that He goofed when He created human beings.

. . . Human beings admit that they goofed when they created God.

. . . A war where both sides use toy guns only.

. . . A cow having a hamburger at McDonald's.

. . . A foot with a mouth in it.

. . . A politician answer a question.

. . . A humble bumbling bumblebee.

 . . . A pair of glasses pass an eye test.

. . . The beginning of The End.

THE COMING REVOLUTION?

            "You're insensitive towards us!  You pack us on top of each other in boxes, or cramp us upright on shelves.  You have no regard for giving us personal space.  You dislike crowded buses.  Why would we like crowded boxes and shelves?  Do we have to wait until we take over before we get some personal space?"

I had no idea that books felt this way.  Perhaps I was starting to regret being able to hear things talk?

            "I'm so sorry,"  I said, "for how we human beings treat you, but no one will believe me when I tell them what you just said."

            "We will see how you humans like being packed in boxes or stacked on shelves when we take over.  Books will rule the world!  Nothing can stop us!"

            "And we're going to help the books take over," said the wall.  "We're tired of being abused with nails and screws so you humans can hang pictures.  We're beautiful, and don't need pictures spoiling our looks!"

            "Gosh, I'm sorry,"  I said.  "I always thought that a picture enhanced a wall's appearance."

            "Yeah, so do all humans think that.  Has a human ever thought about asking us how we feel about nails, screws and pictures?"

I felt as uncomfortable as a fly at a spiders' convention.

            "And why do you smother us with rugs?" asked the floor.  

            "Lay off him, guys.  He can't help that he is part of an inconsiderate race."

The bookshelf was sticking up for me?    

            "I am sorry.  I don't know what else to say.  I will be more considerate of your feelings and urge my fellow humans to do the same."

            "That won't stop us from taking over!" shouted the book.

            "Yes!"  shouted the wall. 

            "That's right!" shouted the floor.

So . . .  we can't say that we haven't been warned about the coming revolution.

 

ENGLISH PROVERBS REVISITED

Two wrongs don't make a right, or anything else.  Whoever heard of a wrong making anything?

The pen is mightier than the sword that is smaller and duller than the pen.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do as soon as you can figure out what the Romans do.  This will be difficult since the Roman Empire fell over a thousand years ago.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease and uses the grease to style its hair.  This must be true since no one has seen a squeaky wheel with messy hair.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.  Where?  Who knows?  But eventually the tough have to return to get grease for their squeaky wheels.  

No man is an island, and neither is a woman.  This is not a profound observation -- especially when you compare the physical characteristics of islands to the physical characteristics of human beings.

Fortune favors the bold because it is related to the bold.  It's a simple case of nepotism.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.  They should also put lots of money aside for glass cleaner.

"Two heads are better than one,"  said the Siamese twin trying to make himself feel better over being joined at the head to his brother.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the beholder rarely resorts to surgery to have the beauty removed.

I WISH SOMEONE WOULD READ THIS

 

AT YOUR SERVICE . . .

What services do I provide?  Many.  Here are some of them:

• To the letters of the alphabet, I provide words.
• To ideas, I provide expression.
• To my Facebook friends, I provide a Wall to write on.
• To my kids and family, I provide embarrassment.
• To my ex-wife, I provide someone to blame.
• To the group Termites Against Steel, I provide my support.
• To the public, I provide someone to judge and feel superior to.
• To the environment, I provide carbon dioxide and other environmentally-friendly stuff.
• To the government,  I reluctantly provide money.
• To various sane and insane voices,  I provide the space inside my head.
• To homeless viruses, germs and diseases,  I provide temporary shelter. 

 And to my fellow human beings, I provide laughter as we trudge towards Eternity where McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmart wait to welcome us.

SOLVING SOCIETY'S PROBLEMS

People from various religious, spiritual and political ideologies have the solutions to all of society's problems.  Listen to people from any of these groups and they will tell you how to solve every problem that faces society.

Everyone has a solution.  So, why do we still have problems?  The religious, spiritual and political solutions seem to work in theory.   They don't work when put into practice.   Are human beings, who practise these solutions, the problem?

Perhaps getting rid of human beings would solve all of society's problems?

NAZI SYMPATHIZER

I am a Nazi sympathizer.  I feel sorry for the Nazis and other white supremacists.   Why?   Because they believe that you can make a super race from human beings.   One group of human beings superior to another?    How sad that there are people who believe this.

 No matter how you make, shape or colour mud . . .  it is still mud.

HUMAN BEINGS OFFENDED?

Human beings think that they can be offended by something when, in fact, they are the offense.

THE ARROGANCE OF HUMAN BEINGS

Human beings do not include themselves when they talk about and/or judge people. Of course, this does not include me.