FAMOUS WORDS OF . . .

A Cigarette:  "My nicotine is fighting with my hydrogen cyanide over which one should kill the person smoking me.  Why can't they cooperate and make it a joint effort?"

A Pencil:  "I want to lead my lead to writing."

A Hat:  "I am trying to get ahead."

A Baseball Bat:  "I'm having a ball!"

A Bank in Greece:  "How much money can I make selling pencils?"

A Butt:  "Is this ending appropriate?"

ON IMMUNE SYSTEMS . . .

An immune system walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

The immune system says, "I need something to make me stronger."

The bartender says, "I have just what you need."

The bartender goes away and then comes back with plenty of sunshine; exercise; and a diet high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and low in saturated fats.

The immune system looks at what the bartender brought and says, "I'm sorry, but this looks too dull and too much like work.  Have you got a cigarette, and can you bring me some pizza and a beer?"

***

Q:  Why did the immune system cross the road?

A:  To protect the road from vampires.

***

***

Human beings exist because Earth's immune system is not working properly.

MISCELLANEOUS STUFF THAT CAME FROM THE MISCELLANEOUS FILE IN MY HEAD

An investigative rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-who?"  Cock-a-doodle-what?  Cock-a-doodle-when?  Cock-a-doodle-where?  Cock-a-doodle-why?"  

***

Would you trust a nutritionist whose idea of a healthy breakfast is organic coffee and a cigarette?

***

Does my courage resist stains and odors?  Is my courage dishwasher-safe?

***

I will fight, to the death, for assisted suicide! 

CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER ON DRUGS?

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is against legalizing marijuana. He says, "I've been very fortunate to live a drug-free life . . ." What? He has never had a coffee, a cigarette, taken a pill, or drank a beer?