TRY THIS! (BUT NOT AT HOME)

Close your eyes while driving.  See how long you can drive before you have an accident.



Jump off a tall building while tossing a penny.  See whether you or the penny hit the ground first.



Run down the stairs with your shoelaces untied.



Hold your breath for 20 minutes underwater.  Do this daily.  It's better than meditation.



Using only your body, try to stop a truck coming at you at 47 miles per hour.  (Anything faster than 47 mph is too dangerous.)



Explore the inside of a giant shark's mouth.  (You can do this after holding your breath underwater for 20 minutes.)



Walk into a bank brandishing a big gun.  Casually ask, "Are you giving away any money today?"



Practise dying.



Lock yourself in a public washroom and scream, "I'm gonna murder the toilets unless you give into my demands!"



Write a silly blog about destructive behavior.

RIVER JOKES

A river walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, I'm ruined!  I have no flood insurance."

Q:  What did one river say to the other river?

A:   How much money do you have in your bank?

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"River."

"River who?"

"River you go, I go."

 

Q:   Why did the river cross the road?

A:    To get away from this blog.

FAMOUS WORDS OF . . .

A Cigarette:  "My nicotine is fighting with my hydrogen cyanide over which one should kill the person smoking me.  Why can't they cooperate and make it a joint effort?"

A Pencil:  "I want to lead my lead to writing."

A Hat:  "I am trying to get ahead."

A Baseball Bat:  "I'm having a ball!"

A Bank in Greece:  "How much money can I make selling pencils?"

A Butt:  "Is this ending appropriate?"

ON CRIME

A criminal walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

"I've just escaped," says the criminal.  "Have you got anything that will reduce my sentence when they catch me?"

"I sure do," says the bartender.

The bartender serves him a martini garnished with arsenic.

***

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Q:  Why did the criminal cross the road?

A:  To steal a chicken.

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"A robber."

"A robber who?"

"Never mind and gimme your money!"

***

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Oh the poor robber!  He froze to death trying to rob a snowbank.

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BREAKING NEWS:  Toronto Police arrested and charged a writer with theft.  Police said that Sam Scribbler was at the public library stealing ideas.  Scribbler will appear in court on June 31.

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PETER PAN'S SHADOW JAILED FOR DESERTION!

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The judge says to the criminal, "Have you got anything to say before I sentence you?"

"Yes," says the criminal.

"What would you like to say?"

"I love action.  If you're gonna sentence me, then could you make me a predicate?"

***