QUOTES FROM THINGS THAT CAN'T TALK

"I'm short."

         - Life

"I like it when they blow me."

                                                                - A Forest Fire 

  

"Gawd those people stink!"

                                                                 - A Pile of Garbage

"I'm bored!  Is there more to life than going around the sun?"

                                                                     - Mars

"Hair today and hair tomorrow."

                                                                      - A Comb

"I have myself and still I'm not happy."

                                                                        - Money

"There's got to be more to forever than going on and on and on and on.

                                                                        - Eternity

"Am I all that bad?"

                                                                 - Crime       

"That red planet looks bored."

                                                                 - Earth  

"Will I ever get a job?"

                                                                   - Work

"I wish I had a mind to change."

                                                                   - Whim

"Going.  Going."

                                                             - Gone         

ON CRIME

A criminal walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

"I've just escaped," says the criminal.  "Have you got anything that will reduce my sentence when they catch me?"

"I sure do," says the bartender.

The bartender serves him a martini garnished with arsenic.

***

***

Q:  Why did the criminal cross the road?

A:  To steal a chicken.

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"A robber."

"A robber who?"

"Never mind and gimme your money!"

***

***

Oh the poor robber!  He froze to death trying to rob a snowbank.

***

BREAKING NEWS:  Toronto Police arrested and charged a writer with theft.  Police said that Sam Scribbler was at the public library stealing ideas.  Scribbler will appear in court on June 31.

***

PETER PAN'S SHADOW JAILED FOR DESERTION!

***

The judge says to the criminal, "Have you got anything to say before I sentence you?"

"Yes," says the criminal.

"What would you like to say?"

"I love action.  If you're gonna sentence me, then could you make me a predicate?"

***

THE CAUSE OF CRIME?

In a recent column, Toronto Sun  writer Lorrie Goldstein states a worn-out premise.  He writes that the biggest cause of gang crime and violence, in Toronto's black community, is "the breakdown of the black nuclear family and the reality of absentee black fathers."   Really?  A breakdown of the nuclear family and absent fathers is the biggest cause of crime?

How does Lorrie Goldstein, and other followers of this premise, explain the Mafia?  The Mafia is made up of nuclear families with strong family values.  These families attend church.  The children grow up not only knowing who their fathers are, but also knowing who their godfathers are.  Why is the Mafia involved in crime and violence?  Is it because of their strong family values and churchgoing?  Is it a lack of drop-in centres and community programs for mobsters?  Is it because the Mafia has been led astray by bad black street gangs? 

The cause of crime?  Whatever happened to people being responsible for the choices they make?