Saving

$ $ $ $ $ $ . . .

Fall would be fantastic if money grew on trees.


There are no rich and poor.  There are only people with good credit, and people with bad credit.


Some people spend money as if they have it.


I will take my money with me when I die, but something tells me that I may not be able to use it.


I am better at attracting debt than I am at attracting money.

Being poor isn't so bad.  No one can take anything from you.


I don't mind being wealthy as long as it doesn't make my ass look big.


I want my money to work for me, but my money can't find a job.


What would banks, wallets and purses look like if trees grew on money?

Funny Money

Money walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Nice to see you!  You should come more often.  What will it be?"
And Money said, "I'll have a glass of happiness, please."
The bartender fixed Money a glass of happiness. Money used some of itself to pay for the drink.  Then Money said, "See? I can buy happiness."


"Why did money cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"It was parting from a fool."


"Why did money cross the road?"
"It was parting from another fool?"
"No, that was the money in the last joke.  This money was following people doing what they love."


Question:  How much money does God have in the bank?
Answer:  Lots.

Question:  Does God own the Universe, or is he renting?
Answer:  Yes.

Question:  Does God pay income tax?
Answer:  Yes, but only when he wants to.

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Money."

"Thanks for coming.  That's all I need to know."

A police officer stopped Evil and searched it.  The officer found a carrot in Evil's pocket.

"What's this for?" asked the officer.

And Evil said, "Root is the money of all evil."

ON DREAMS

"Why did the dream cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"To come true on the other side." 



Does money dream of having lots of people?


"How many dreams does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I don't know."
"Just one, but the light bulb will forget being changed."



"I dream of the day when I can go more places than up and down," said the elevator.



Do bicycles dream to be free from their chains?



A mountain woke up from a dream about being a molehill and thought, "No big deal."



Do puzzles understand their dreams?



Does Death ever dream it lived?



A dream walked in to a bar and the bartender said, "I know you from somewhere."
And the dream said, "Yeah, you had me last night."
"So I did," said the bartender.  "Am I still dreaming?"
And the dream said, "I hope you're rowing your boat gently."

HOW TO GET RICH

The following are surefire ways to get rich:


- Win the lottery;


- Have lots of money;


- Invest money in the sock market;
(The sock market is a shoo-in.)


- Sell your brains to zombies;
(Make sure you don't need them.)


- Start a life insurance company and sell life insurance policies to immortals;
(Their premiums will never stop, and you will never have to payout.)


- Ask Warren Buffett for lots of money;


- Pretend you're rich;


 and finally,

 
If you want to be rich, then never spend any money ever again.  Never!