Funny Money

Money walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Nice to see you!  You should come more often.  What will it be?"
And Money said, "I'll have a glass of happiness, please."
The bartender fixed Money a glass of happiness. Money used some of itself to pay for the drink.  Then Money said, "See? I can buy happiness."


"Why did money cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"It was parting from a fool."


"Why did money cross the road?"
"It was parting from another fool?"
"No, that was the money in the last joke.  This money was following people doing what they love."


Question:  How much money does God have in the bank?
Answer:  Lots.

Question:  Does God own the Universe, or is he renting?
Answer:  Yes.

Question:  Does God pay income tax?
Answer:  Yes, but only when he wants to.

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Money."

"Thanks for coming.  That's all I need to know."

A police officer stopped Evil and searched it.  The officer found a carrot in Evil's pocket.

"What's this for?" asked the officer.

And Evil said, "Root is the money of all evil."