The Government

ALL ABOUT MONEY

Q:  Why did the money cross the road?
A:  To get to the bar on the other side.



Money walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Wow!  You can have anything you want."
And money says, "I'll have happiness, please."
"Uh-er-uh--sorry," says the bartender, "you can have almost anything you want."
"Thanks," says money as it walks out.



Q:  Why did the rich man cross the road?
A:  He was following the money.



A rich man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The rich man says, "Nothing thanks.  Have you seen my money?  We were together and somehow we parted."
"Are you a fool?" asks the bartender.
"Yes," says the rich man, "but that won't matter once I get elected."



"I used to own a big house, a Mercedes Benz, and had a fortune in the bank, but I gave it all up," said a man on a park bench.
"Why?  You weren't happy?" asked a passerby.
"No," said the man, "I owe taxes and the government seized everything."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Money."

"Money who?"

"I lied.  It's Death and that's it for this blog."

THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD . . .

I know a suicide bomber--well I knew a suicide bomber.  He hated his working conditions and was barely surviving on his poor salary; so he took his own life.  What a tragedy!  The government should do more to prevent suicide bombers from killing themselves.

***

Poor Charles Darwin is rolling in his grave.  What has the government done lately for evolution?  What has the government done for evolution at all?  Evolution has stopped.  When was the last time a fish walked on land, or a monkey evolved into a man?  The government should do more to help evolution to keep evolving.

***   

To many people are dying from natural causes.  The government should do more to stop this.

***

Finally, why can't the government come up with laws to prevent bad speling?

 

WHY AM I HERE?

Why am I here?  What is the purpose of my life?  

My life has more than one purpose.  Here are some of the reasons I am here:

I am here to give the government money.  Like most people, I do so reluctantly.

I am here to provide a home for the occasional virus.  Viruses are homeless, and I provide temporary lodgings before they move to someone else.  

I am here to serve as a bad example.  Family and friends often point to me and say, "Don't be like him."

I am here to take up space.  Nature abhors a vacuum. 

I am here to keep grocery stores in business.  This is easy to do as long as I keep eating.

I am here to make people laugh.  I do not know how well I am doing with this purpose, but I am trying.  Some would say, "Very trying!"

I am here because I am not there.

POLICE SAID . . .

The body of a man was found in his home in downtown Toronto.  The man's body had multiple gunshot and stab wounds, and the man's hands were tied behind his back.  Police said that they suspect foul play.


There were only minor injuries and no deaths in a fifty-car pileup on Highway 400.  No charges have been laid, but police are still investigating.  Police said that speed and the laws of physics were factors in the accident.


After months of an intensive undercover investigation, police seized ten tons of bullshit from the Canadian government buildings.  A number of politicians -- too many to mention -- have been charged with possession of bullshit for the purpose of trafficking.  Police called the investigation "Operation Crap Talk."  Police said that this was the biggest bust of bullshit in the history of law enforcement.


An armoured truck lost its load scattering millions of bills, various denominations, all over the street.  Apparently the back door of the truck was not properly secured.  A spokesperson for the armoured-truck company would not say how much money was lost, but an unnamed source said that the amount was over a million dollars.  Police said that anyone finding money should call police and turn it in.


 Police said, "We arrived on the scene of this blog at 16:36 hours, or 4:36 pm, on Sunday March 23, 2014.  We observed many letters forming words which subsequently formed sentences.  We also observed spaces between the words and sentences.  No charges have been laid at this time, but we are still investigating.  We will release further information when it comes available.  Thank you."

AT YOUR SERVICE . . .

What services do I provide?  Many.  Here are some of them:

• To the letters of the alphabet, I provide words.
• To ideas, I provide expression.
• To my Facebook friends, I provide a Wall to write on.
• To my kids and family, I provide embarrassment.
• To my ex-wife, I provide someone to blame.
• To the group Termites Against Steel, I provide my support.
• To the public, I provide someone to judge and feel superior to.
• To the environment, I provide carbon dioxide and other environmentally-friendly stuff.
• To the government,  I reluctantly provide money.
• To various sane and insane voices,  I provide the space inside my head.
• To homeless viruses, germs and diseases,  I provide temporary shelter. 

 And to my fellow human beings, I provide laughter as we trudge towards Eternity where McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmart wait to welcome us.

THE MEANING OF LIFE

What is the meaning of life? Paying taxes. If you think that your life is meaningless, then don't file a tax return. Watch how important your life suddenly becomes.