TERMITE PORN

Humans are not the only ones who enjoy pornography.  Termites love porn, too.

Here are snippets of dialogue from some porn movies for termites: 


"Ooooh!  You have such lovely wood!  You better not give me any splinters."

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"Hey baby!  Wanna suck on a log?"

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"C'mon, baby, we'll have a threesome with you, me and this board."

* 

"All he gave you were toothpicks?"   

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"Sand it!  Sand it!  Ooooo baby, sand it!  Oh yeah!  Nice and smooth!  Ohh baby!  Sand it!"

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"You coulda picked a piece of wood without any knots in it!"

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"How would you like me to cover you with sawdust, and then lick it off?"

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"Yes, I'd like to buy some aftershave lotion that smells like trees."

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"Hey baby!  Wanna get hot with some wooden matches?"

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"Did you hear about Tina?"

"No, what?"

"She did the whole forest!"

"Wow!  Better stay away from her.  She could have DED."  (Dutch Elm Disease) 

*

"Hey, let's spend the night in a lumber yard!"

   

 

      

NEW THINGS THAT EXIST ONLY IN THIS BLOG?

If you find any of the below items outside of this blog, then that means that someone else thinks the same as I do.  Great minds think alike?

- Wooden birthday cakes for termites.

- Brain birthday cakes for zombies.

-  Birthday cakes made of nothing for people who want to lose weight.

- Books with pages that turn themselves for educated snakes.

- Peopleless joints for homeless arthritis.

- Grass that cuts itself.

- Bathroom scales for elephants.

- Cracks for butts born without one.  

(Good idea to end with this one.)

AT YOUR SERVICE . . .

What services do I provide?  Many.  Here are some of them:

• To the letters of the alphabet, I provide words.
• To ideas, I provide expression.
• To my Facebook friends, I provide a Wall to write on.
• To my kids and family, I provide embarrassment.
• To my ex-wife, I provide someone to blame.
• To the group Termites Against Steel, I provide my support.
• To the public, I provide someone to judge and feel superior to.
• To the environment, I provide carbon dioxide and other environmentally-friendly stuff.
• To the government,  I reluctantly provide money.
• To various sane and insane voices,  I provide the space inside my head.
• To homeless viruses, germs and diseases,  I provide temporary shelter. 

 And to my fellow human beings, I provide laughter as we trudge towards Eternity where McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmart wait to welcome us.