THINGS ST.PATRICK NEVER SAID . . .

                                                St. Patrick (385 - March 17, 461)?

"I hope I live long enough to see the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup." 

"I like snakes.  Some of my best friends are snakes.  One day I hope to retire and raise snakes."

"My snot is green.  Why can't my pee be green?"

"Fear God because he carries a big, big, big stick."

"I must make Ireland Christian so people will have something to fight about for years to come."

"If I wasn't a saint, then I'd be a goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs."

"Why do people drink and celebrate on the day I died?"

NEW THINGS THAT EXIST ONLY IN THIS BLOG?

If you find any of the below items outside of this blog, then that means that someone else thinks the same as I do.  Great minds think alike?

- Wooden birthday cakes for termites.

- Brain birthday cakes for zombies.

-  Birthday cakes made of nothing for people who want to lose weight.

- Books with pages that turn themselves for educated snakes.

- Peopleless joints for homeless arthritis.

- Grass that cuts itself.

- Bathroom scales for elephants.

- Cracks for butts born without one.  

(Good idea to end with this one.)

ST. PATRICK'S DAY NEWS

Why did St. Patrick chase the snakes out of Ireland?  They were about to expose him as a snake molester.  Several snakes have come forward claiming that St. Patrick sexually assaulted them.  He forced them to leave Ireland when they threatened to report what he had done.  

Harry Barry O'Halloran, St. Patrick's lawyer, said that the allegations were "one hundred percent absolutely entirely completely no-doubt-about-it false."  Police are investigating and no charges have been laid.  O'Halloran said that these allegations should not stop people from celebrating and enjoying St. Patrick's Day.