Pretend It's Still March 17

"How does Dracula celebrate St. Patrick's Night?"
"St. Patrick's Night?  Shouldn't it be St. Patrick's Day?"
"Dracula and daylight don't get along."
"Okay.  So, how does Dracula celebrate St. Patrick's Night?"
"By drinking green blood."
"And where does Dracula get green blood?"
"At the Green Blood Store."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Saint."

"Saint who?"

"Saint Patrick."

"Sorry, our snakes left and got elected to office."

"Why did St. Patrick cross the road?"

"Why?"
"Because he loved to jaywalk."


"How many St. Patricks does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"None.  Light bulbs did not exist way back then."


"Wait a minute.  Why are you posting a blog about St. Patrick's Day two days after St. Patrick's Day?"
"I tried to do it on March 17, but I was abducted by members of SASP."
"SASP?"
"Snakes Against St. Patrick.  They go around trying to ruin people's St. Patrick's Day.  The snakes held me hostage and told me to eat an apple.  They said that the apple came from the Tree of Knowledge and that it would make me knowledgeable.  So I ate it and waited.  When the snakes saw that I wasn't getting any smarter, they let me go."
"Have you got any more attempts at jokes about St. Patrick's Day?"
"No."
"Good!"

THINGS ST.PATRICK NEVER SAID . . .

                                                St. Patrick (385 - March 17, 461)?

"I hope I live long enough to see the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup." 

"I like snakes.  Some of my best friends are snakes.  One day I hope to retire and raise snakes."

"My snot is green.  Why can't my pee be green?"

"Fear God because he carries a big, big, big stick."

"I must make Ireland Christian so people will have something to fight about for years to come."

"If I wasn't a saint, then I'd be a goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs."

"Why do people drink and celebrate on the day I died?"