THE WORDS BEHIND JIAN GHOMESHI'S APOLOGY

(CBC photo)

On Wednesday May 11, 2016, Jian Ghomeshi apologized to Kathryn Borel in court, and signed a Peace Bond in exchange for having sexual assault charges withdrawn.  Here are the words behind Ghomeshi's apology:

Oh, I am so so so sorry.  I am so sorry that I got caught.  I am so sorry for the embarrassment getting caught caused my family.  I am so sorry that my career is in ruins.

I regret that my actions were so flagrant that they caused me to get caught.  I regret that the evidence was so strong against me, in this case, that my lawyer had to make a deal.  I also regret that this deal involved me having to apologize.

THE REASONS CBC FIRED EVAN SOLOMON

CBC says it fired Evan Solomon for using his position to sell art.  There were other reasons that did not make the news.

The CBC fired Evan Solomon because . . . 

- Pictures surfaced of Solomon in a hot tub massaging Prime Minister Stephen Harper;

- Solomon was late delivering pizza to a CBC executive party;

- During his annual performance review, Solomon was unable to answer the question: Why did the chicken watch CBC?

- The CBC found out about Solomon's job as Mike Duffy's personal trainer;

- CBC is testing Solomon's sense of humor to see whether he can take a joke;

-  The CBC found out that Stephen Harper was about to appoint Solomon to the Senate  (Hot tub massages can get you somewhere);  and finally,

The CBC fired Evan Solomon because Evan Solomon sexually assaulted Jian Ghomeshi.

ST. PATRICK'S DAY NEWS

Why did St. Patrick chase the snakes out of Ireland?  They were about to expose him as a snake molester.  Several snakes have come forward claiming that St. Patrick sexually assaulted them.  He forced them to leave Ireland when they threatened to report what he had done.  

Harry Barry O'Halloran, St. Patrick's lawyer, said that the allegations were "one hundred percent absolutely entirely completely no-doubt-about-it false."  Police are investigating and no charges have been laid.  O'Halloran said that these allegations should not stop people from celebrating and enjoying St. Patrick's Day.

IF ONLY WE COULD HEAR . . .

"People who live in me should be neat."
                                                - A Glass House


"It's not fair that the paper charged me with sexual assault.  I was only rubbing out pencil marks."
                                                - An Eraser


"I know the meaning of life!"
                                                - A Dictionary


"I wish people would piss off and not in me!"
                                                - A Swimming Pool


"How can I see so many soles and not be in Heaven or Hell?"
                                                 - A Floor


"One day I hope to be a great novel."
                                                  - A Tree


"How the hell can I be the new black?"
                                                   - An Orange


"Okay.  Enough!  It's time for a change."
                                                   - The Climate

  

 

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