THE WORDS BEHIND JIAN GHOMESHI'S APOLOGY

(CBC photo)

On Wednesday May 11, 2016, Jian Ghomeshi apologized to Kathryn Borel in court, and signed a Peace Bond in exchange for having sexual assault charges withdrawn.  Here are the words behind Ghomeshi's apology:

Oh, I am so so so sorry.  I am so sorry that I got caught.  I am so sorry for the embarrassment getting caught caused my family.  I am so sorry that my career is in ruins.

I regret that my actions were so flagrant that they caused me to get caught.  I regret that the evidence was so strong against me, in this case, that my lawyer had to make a deal.  I also regret that this deal involved me having to apologize.

GROUNDHOG QUESTIONS AND OTHER STUFF

Does a groundhog seeing its shadow have anything to do with Black History?

Do invisible groundhogs ever see their shadows?

Why did the ground hog cross the road?
It was following a chicken's shadow.

Why did another groundhog cross the road?
It didn't.  Roadkill.

A groundhog walks into a bar looking so sad and the bartender says, "What's wrong?"
The groundhog says, "Gimme a stiff drink.  My shadow left me for Peter Pan." 

(I used the following joke before, and am using it again because I have a bad memory.)

Jian Ghomeshi saw his shadow this morning, and it was Bill Cosby.


"Mommy, why do people think we can forecast the weather with our shadows?" asked the little groundhog.
"Who knows?" said the mother. "People think a lot of silly things."

THE REASONS CBC FIRED EVAN SOLOMON

CBC says it fired Evan Solomon for using his position to sell art.  There were other reasons that did not make the news.

The CBC fired Evan Solomon because . . . 

- Pictures surfaced of Solomon in a hot tub massaging Prime Minister Stephen Harper;

- Solomon was late delivering pizza to a CBC executive party;

- During his annual performance review, Solomon was unable to answer the question: Why did the chicken watch CBC?

- The CBC found out about Solomon's job as Mike Duffy's personal trainer;

- CBC is testing Solomon's sense of humor to see whether he can take a joke;

-  The CBC found out that Stephen Harper was about to appoint Solomon to the Senate  (Hot tub massages can get you somewhere);  and finally,

The CBC fired Evan Solomon because Evan Solomon sexually assaulted Jian Ghomeshi.

WHAT IF IT WASN'T A GROUNDHOG?

What if it was not a groundhog's shadow that predicted things?  What if . . .

"Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more centuries of censorship and government secrecy."

"U.S. President Barack Obama saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more weeks of the Republicans finding fault with how the president looked at his shadow."

"Paul McCartney saw his shadow this morning.  He saw it while he was on the long and winding road. The fact that he saw his shadow means that Lucy was not in the sky with diamonds -- whatever that means."

"Elvis Presley emerged from the ground and saw his shadow this morning.  This means that he did not die, but is alive and well and living with groundhogs."

"Jian Ghomeshi emerged from his hiding place and saw his shadow this morning.  We have no idea what this means because Ghomeshi's shadow turned out to be Bill Cosby."

"A black hole emerged from the center of the Milky Way and saw its shadow.  This means The End of everything.  (Perhaps not everything, but certainly this blog.)

 

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE . . .

 . . . Jian Ghomeshi interviewing Bill Cosby on the topic: Opportunities For Women In The Workplace.

. . . Wonder Woman having sex with The Incredible Hulk.

. . . The death notice for the Dead Sea. (Did it leave a will?)

. . . God admit that He goofed when He created human beings.

. . . Human beings admit that they goofed when they created God.

. . . A war where both sides use toy guns only.

. . . A cow having a hamburger at McDonald's.

. . . A foot with a mouth in it.

. . . A politician answer a question.

. . . A humble bumbling bumblebee.

 . . . A pair of glasses pass an eye test.

. . . The beginning of The End.

WHAT IF NEWS

What if Rob Ford and John Tory are secret lovers?  What if, during sex, John Tory beats Rob Ford while Jian Ghomeshi 
watches?  


What if Ebola is not a virus, but something used to eat Esoupa?


What if poor toilet training is the real reason people turn into terrorists?


What if computer hackers used hatchets?


What if the World Series had a baseball team from every country on Earth?  Would the playoffs take Eternity?


What if smart bombs made people smarter instead of killing them?  Would leaders of countries ask other leaders,
"Would you bomb us, please?"


What if climate change was hot and cold coins you carried in your pocket?  Would the homeless would say, "Can you spare some climate change?  I wanna buy some pure water."?


What if once news was not new, it was called olds?


What if this is The End?

What if something, like this sentence, comes after The End?