WORDS FROM TWO NEWSPAPERS THAT MADE ME THINK . . .

This is from The Toronto Sun.  The caption reads: Rob Ford's desk sits empty in Toronto City Hall Council Chambers hours after the announcement of his death yesterday.

Does The Toronto Sun have to explain why Rob Ford's seat is empty?  Shouldn't Rob Ford's seat be empty hours after the announcement of his death?  The Sun would have quite a story if the picture showed Rob Ford sitting at his desk after he died.

Reporting on the Liberal's Federal budget, The Toronto Star talked to people in different circumstances to show how the budget will affect Canadians in general.  The Star talked to real Canadians . . .  

Are there unreal Canadians?  Did The Star choose to talk to real Canadians because unreal Canadians are harder to find?  Does the Citizenship and Immigration Department ask immigrants, "Would you like to be a real or unreal Canadian?"

CONSPIRACIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Elvis Presley killed President John F. Kennedy because Kennedy had an affair with one of Elvis' girlfriends.  Elvis faked his own death to avoid getting caught.  Elvis also killed Michael Jackson because Jackson found out about Elvis killing Kennedy and was going to expose Elvis.
Elvis remains at large.  There are rumors that he is living somewhere in Argentina with Adolph Hitler. 

 ***

Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was an undercover cop working to bust a cocaine cartel run by the CIA.  The CIA effectively stopped Rob Ford by creating a cocaine video about Ford taking cocaine.  The CIA leaked the video to the press.  The CIA also gave Rob Ford cancer.

*** 

A polluted ghost appeared to some members of Greenpeace and said, "Climate change is caused by hot air from politicians."

***

The numbers 5 + 4 and 8 + 3 were behind 911.

***

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche killed God, and took his job.  (That's why things aren't going too well.)

***

"The truth is out there."

"Yeah?  Tell it to get inside before it catches a cold."

WHAT IF NEWS

What if Rob Ford and John Tory are secret lovers?  What if, during sex, John Tory beats Rob Ford while Jian Ghomeshi 
watches?  


What if Ebola is not a virus, but something used to eat Esoupa?


What if poor toilet training is the real reason people turn into terrorists?


What if computer hackers used hatchets?


What if the World Series had a baseball team from every country on Earth?  Would the playoffs take Eternity?


What if smart bombs made people smarter instead of killing them?  Would leaders of countries ask other leaders,
"Would you bomb us, please?"


What if climate change was hot and cold coins you carried in your pocket?  Would the homeless would say, "Can you spare some climate change?  I wanna buy some pure water."?


What if once news was not new, it was called olds?


What if this is The End?

What if something, like this sentence, comes after The End?

A LETTER TO GOD

                                                       

                                                                               TODAY
 Dear God,
      You have done a wonderful job creating everything, but there are few things that I find disturbing.  I hope you won't mind me mentioning them.

 1 -  What were you thinking when you created bed bugs, lice and fleas? 


2 -  If men have to lose their hair, then why not let it fall out from their groins instead of their heads?  Did you choose men's heads because you worried about crotch comb-overs?  

3 -  Weren't you being a little drastic by drowning nearly all of your children because they misbehaved?  

4 -  Wasn't it adultery when you got Mary pregnant while she was still married to Joseph?

I know, I am pushing my luck.   I won't be surprised if a lightening bolt strikes me, and I have to spend eternity with Rob Ford.  After all, you are God and can do whatever you want.  But you gave us brains.  Are we not allowed to think and ask questions?
 

                                                                            Sincerely,
                                                                             Mud*


*My new name now that you have read my letter. 

SEVEN AND A HALF REASONS WINTER IS STAYING IN TORONTO . . .

1 -  Public transit delays.

2 -  It wants to take full advantage of  all of the spring sales.

3 -  It loves the drama at city hall starring Rob Ford.

4 -  It's waiting for the Moon to moon something in Toronto.

5 -  It hasn't finished its nine-month course called, "Snow In Canadian Cities 101"

6 -  It likes Toronto.  The rent is cheap.

7 -  It is dating a Toronto sewer and does not to leave it.

7.5 - It''s writing a --