Plots For Stories Not Yet Written

A CIA agent frets over shredding his dog after the dog eats a top secret.  The story gets complicated when the CIA agent discovers that his dog is too big for the shredder.



A doll creates havoc for a little girl and her family when the doll is possessed by the evil spirit of a stink bug.



Activists from Black Lives Matter take a black hole to court because the black hole sucked up everything instead of only sucking up things that are black.  

The subplot deals with an inter-spice marriage between ginger and oregano.  There are concerns that the children won't know what spice they are.



Michael Jackson returns from the dead and attempts to solve the Kennedy assassination. Jackson's efforts are hindered by a priest with ties to foreign dolphins that wear beads.



One dark and stormy night, a funny bone technician finds half a brain.  He suddenly becomes dangerous.

6 Ways To Motivate Yourself To Write

1 - Have a friend hold a gun to your head.  Your friend can blow your brains out if you don't start writing.  (Don't worry about getting shot.  With no brains, you can always go into politics.)

2 - Rob a bank and get caught.  This should give you plenty to write about.

3 - Set a timer for 5 minutes.  During that 5 minutes write, tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick . . . 

4 - Murder your inner critic.

5 - Set a goal to write 0 pages per day.

6 - Reward yourself for writing.  After a week of writing 0 pages per day, reward yourself by going out and buying more paper.

A FEW COURSES OFFERED AT CUTHBERT COLLEGE

Spitting and the Art of Self Defense:

Students learn how to lob loogies to protect themselves when being attacked.  Some saliva will be provided, but students should bring their own as the saliva supply is limited.

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Lunch 101:

Learn the proper way to take and eat your lunch. 

Prerequisite: Breakfast.  Students should bring their own food.

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How To Be Your Dog's Best Friend:

Students learn the importance of fire hydrants, and what to notice when sniffing a dog's butt.  

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Not Drawing and Writing:

Students learn the many ways of saying, "I can't!"

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How To Find Things Out:

Students wishing to take this course must find out what it's about and where to take it.   

WAYS TO IMPROVE . . .

Improve your computer skills . . .  Get a brain transplant making sure the brain comes from a geek.

Improve your memory . . . Start hanging out with elephants.  Studies prove that people who hang out with elephants never forget.

Improve your writing . . . Plagiarize.

Improve your self-confidence . . . Carry a big stick.

Improve your health . . . Stay away from doctors.

Improve the opinion others have of your abilities . . . Lie.

But wait . . . There's more!  (But not today.  Perhaps another time.)

A FANTASTIC STORY?

I ran out of ideas while writing a story about a writer who is blocked.  He was halfway through his novel when his characters went on strike for better character traits.  They felt that they should be equal to the characters created by William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Mark Twain.  How can writers write when their characters refuse to work for them?

I never thought that my main character's characters' strike would affect me.  If their strike does not end soon, then I will abandon this story and hope the literary police do not arrest and charge me with Criminal Negligence and Story Abandonment.

It was such a fantastic story idea before I ruined it by turning it into writing. 

SEVEN AND A HALF REASONS WINTER IS STAYING IN TORONTO . . .

1 -  Public transit delays.

2 -  It wants to take full advantage of  all of the spring sales.

3 -  It loves the drama at city hall starring Rob Ford.

4 -  It's waiting for the Moon to moon something in Toronto.

5 -  It hasn't finished its nine-month course called, "Snow In Canadian Cities 101"

6 -  It likes Toronto.  The rent is cheap.

7 -  It is dating a Toronto sewer and does not to leave it.

7.5 - It''s writing a --

I'M GETTING TIRED OF REALITY . . .

 

                                             (Famous quote by Nuth Thing)

                         

ON CREATIVITY AND CACA

My good friend David Fontana, in his book Creative Meditation and Visualization, wrote about the importance of going inside to communicate with our inner being.  Communication with our inner being is important for self discovery and well being.

 

As children, we unknowingly communicated with our inner being by drawing and coloring pictures.  We did this joyfully until we developed an inner critic as we were taught not to trust ourselves; to look outside for the answers instead of inside.

The process of communicating with our inner being is important.  The art or writing that results from this process is not important.  It is a by-product just as caca is a by-product from the process of  nourishing our bodies. Unless you are making political speeches, caca is not important.  The process of eating for nourishment is.

By focusing on the process and not the by-product, there is no reason to be blocked or to wait for elusive and capricious inspiration.   Two of the ways you can focus on the process of communicating with your inner being are free writing, and free drawing.   The result is not important.  It is caca.

No longer is it necessary to get upset if someone looks at your art or writing and says, "That's a piece of shit!"  He or she is right.  It is the by-product from the nourishment process of communicating with your inner being. 

Your inner being,  the deep mystery inside you,  is not elusive or capricious.  It is always there just waiting for you to start a conversation.    

HOW TO CONQUER WRITER'S BLOCK

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