THE FOUR SEASONS

WINTER, CLOUDS AND DUST

Winter walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

Winter says, "I'll have a Climate Change, please."

"Hot or cold?" asks the bartender.

"Surprise me," says Winter.

A cloud walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I thought I said, 'Send in the clowns.'  What will it be?"

The cloud says, "I haven't the foggiest."

"You gotta order something," says the bartender.

"Okay," says the cloud, "I'll have a Climate Change."

"Hot or cold?" asks the bartender.

"I haven't the foggiest," says the cloud.

Some dust walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Achooo!"

The dust says, "You gotta keep away from Climate Change.  It's affecting your health, and I'm leaving now because I don't want you affecting my health."

 

WHAT IF IT WASN'T A GROUNDHOG?

What if it was not a groundhog's shadow that predicted things?  What if . . .

"Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more centuries of censorship and government secrecy."

"U.S. President Barack Obama saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more weeks of the Republicans finding fault with how the president looked at his shadow."

"Paul McCartney saw his shadow this morning.  He saw it while he was on the long and winding road. The fact that he saw his shadow means that Lucy was not in the sky with diamonds -- whatever that means."

"Elvis Presley emerged from the ground and saw his shadow this morning.  This means that he did not die, but is alive and well and living with groundhogs."

"Jian Ghomeshi emerged from his hiding place and saw his shadow this morning.  We have no idea what this means because Ghomeshi's shadow turned out to be Bill Cosby."

"A black hole emerged from the center of the Milky Way and saw its shadow.  This means The End of everything.  (Perhaps not everything, but certainly this blog.)

 

SEVEN AND A HALF REASONS WINTER IS STAYING IN TORONTO . . .

1 -  Public transit delays.

2 -  It wants to take full advantage of  all of the spring sales.

3 -  It loves the drama at city hall starring Rob Ford.

4 -  It's waiting for the Moon to moon something in Toronto.

5 -  It hasn't finished its nine-month course called, "Snow In Canadian Cities 101"

6 -  It likes Toronto.  The rent is cheap.

7 -  It is dating a Toronto sewer and does not to leave it.

7.5 - It''s writing a --

WINTER SPEAKS . . .

"Sorry I'm late. I was delayed by the Union of Weather Workers. They're on strike and they made me wait at the picket line."