A LITTLE TITANIC HUMOR 104 YEARS LATER

On Sunday April 14, 1912, at 11:40 p.m., the Titanic struck an iceberg.  The Titanic finally sunk, lower than the Canadian dollar, at 2:20 a.m. on Monday April 15, 1912.


The Titanic walks into a bar and the the bartender asks, "What will it be?"
The Titanic says, "I don't care as long as it's nice with no ice, please."


Q:  How many Titanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  One, but first you have to raise it from the bottom of the ocean.


Did the Titanic band finish playing "Nearer My God to Thee" before they were nearer to God than we?


Q:  Why did the Titanic cross the sea?
A:  It didn't.


THE TRUTH REVEALED!  TITANIC FAKED ITS DEATH AND IS CURRENTLY LIVING (UNDER AN ASSUMED NAME) SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH AMERICA WITH ELVIS PRESLEY AND ADOLPH HITLER!
(You read it here first.) 

WHAT IF IT WASN'T A GROUNDHOG?

What if it was not a groundhog's shadow that predicted things?  What if . . .

"Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more centuries of censorship and government secrecy."

"U.S. President Barack Obama saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more weeks of the Republicans finding fault with how the president looked at his shadow."

"Paul McCartney saw his shadow this morning.  He saw it while he was on the long and winding road. The fact that he saw his shadow means that Lucy was not in the sky with diamonds -- whatever that means."

"Elvis Presley emerged from the ground and saw his shadow this morning.  This means that he did not die, but is alive and well and living with groundhogs."

"Jian Ghomeshi emerged from his hiding place and saw his shadow this morning.  We have no idea what this means because Ghomeshi's shadow turned out to be Bill Cosby."

"A black hole emerged from the center of the Milky Way and saw its shadow.  This means The End of everything.  (Perhaps not everything, but certainly this blog.)

 

CALL ME CRAZY IF YOU WANT . . .

Call me crazy if you want, but I swear I saw Osama bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis Presley having a coffee at a Starbucks. (I wanted to ask Osama for his birth certificate, but lost my courage.)

Call me crazy if you want, but pink elephants own all the liquor stores.

Call me crazy if you want, but cannibals stole Walt Disney's  frozen body and used it to invent a new ice-cream flavor: anti-Semite.

Call me crazy if you want, but somewhere on this planet is an Area 52.

Call me crazy if you want, but Michael Jackson did not die.  He went into hiding to practise tiddlywinks, and one day plans to emerge as the world champion.

Call me crazy if you want, but I am considering a proposal from Serpent Real Estate.  They are selling a garden with an apple tree. Should I buy it?

Call me crazy if you want, but I am looking for an honest politician.

Call me crazy if you want, but I joined The National Plunger Society.  Now the only block in my life is the one I live on.

Call me crazy if you want, but aliens abducted me; whizzed me around the Universe while showing me my future: taxes, death and more taxes.  Then they dropped me off at a Starbucks.

Call me crazy if you want . . .