WHAT IF IT WASN'T A GROUNDHOG?

What if it was not a groundhog's shadow that predicted things?  What if . . .

"Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more centuries of censorship and government secrecy."

"U.S. President Barack Obama saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more weeks of the Republicans finding fault with how the president looked at his shadow."

"Paul McCartney saw his shadow this morning.  He saw it while he was on the long and winding road. The fact that he saw his shadow means that Lucy was not in the sky with diamonds -- whatever that means."

"Elvis Presley emerged from the ground and saw his shadow this morning.  This means that he did not die, but is alive and well and living with groundhogs."

"Jian Ghomeshi emerged from his hiding place and saw his shadow this morning.  We have no idea what this means because Ghomeshi's shadow turned out to be Bill Cosby."

"A black hole emerged from the center of the Milky Way and saw its shadow.  This means The End of everything.  (Perhaps not everything, but certainly this blog.)