GROUNDHOG QUESTIONS AND OTHER STUFF

Does a groundhog seeing its shadow have anything to do with Black History?

Do invisible groundhogs ever see their shadows?

Why did the ground hog cross the road?
It was following a chicken's shadow.

Why did another groundhog cross the road?
It didn't.  Roadkill.

A groundhog walks into a bar looking so sad and the bartender says, "What's wrong?"
The groundhog says, "Gimme a stiff drink.  My shadow left me for Peter Pan." 

(I used the following joke before, and am using it again because I have a bad memory.)

Jian Ghomeshi saw his shadow this morning, and it was Bill Cosby.


"Mommy, why do people think we can forecast the weather with our shadows?" asked the little groundhog.
"Who knows?" said the mother. "People think a lot of silly things."

A HODGEPODGE OF POLLUTION AND THOUGHTS

 

Fame?  I used to want to be famous, but not now.  I fear that if I become famous, Bill Cosby will come forward and claim that I gave him drugs and had sex with him.

 

Fortune?  I used to want to be rich, but now now.

If I were rich, then I'd spend time worrying about how I was going to spend my money.

Ambition?  I used to have ambition, but not now.  If I had ambition, then I'd be writing blogs like this one to become famous and rich.

 

ARE YOU SURE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID? OR THEY SAID WHAT? II

A PSYCHIC TOLD ME . . .

A psychic told me that one day I will die.  Should I believe her?  She has made right and wrong predictions.

Here are the predictions that came true:

• that spring would come after winter;
• that things would stay the same if they do not change;
• a picture is worth a thousand words;
• the Super Bowl would have one winner and one loser; and,
• that 2 + 2 = 5 to people poor at math.

Here are the predictions that did not come true:

• that Jesus Christ and Elvis Presley would return on July 20, 2014, and give a church service with rock music in Central Park;
• that American and Canadian governments would honor the treaties with Native Americans and First Nations;
• that feminist groups would invite comedian Bill Cosby to speak at their meetings;
• on March 17, 2015, Ireland would experience a severe earthquake revealing where St. Patrick hid the snakes; and,
• on March 23, 2015, Peter Pan and Harry Potter would hold a press conference announcing their engagement.

I will let you know whether her prediction about my death comes true.

SCENES FROM FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

 

WHAT IF IT WASN'T A GROUNDHOG?

What if it was not a groundhog's shadow that predicted things?  What if . . .

"Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more centuries of censorship and government secrecy."

"U.S. President Barack Obama saw his shadow this morning.  This means that we will have six more weeks of the Republicans finding fault with how the president looked at his shadow."

"Paul McCartney saw his shadow this morning.  He saw it while he was on the long and winding road. The fact that he saw his shadow means that Lucy was not in the sky with diamonds -- whatever that means."

"Elvis Presley emerged from the ground and saw his shadow this morning.  This means that he did not die, but is alive and well and living with groundhogs."

"Jian Ghomeshi emerged from his hiding place and saw his shadow this morning.  We have no idea what this means because Ghomeshi's shadow turned out to be Bill Cosby."

"A black hole emerged from the center of the Milky Way and saw its shadow.  This means The End of everything.  (Perhaps not everything, but certainly this blog.)

 

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE . . .

 . . . Jian Ghomeshi interviewing Bill Cosby on the topic: Opportunities For Women In The Workplace.

. . . Wonder Woman having sex with The Incredible Hulk.

. . . The death notice for the Dead Sea. (Did it leave a will?)

. . . God admit that He goofed when He created human beings.

. . . Human beings admit that they goofed when they created God.

. . . A war where both sides use toy guns only.

. . . A cow having a hamburger at McDonald's.

. . . A foot with a mouth in it.

. . . A politician answer a question.

. . . A humble bumbling bumblebee.

 . . . A pair of glasses pass an eye test.

. . . The beginning of The End.

THE OTHER CHRISTMAS SCENES