CONSPIRACIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Elvis Presley killed President John F. Kennedy because Kennedy had an affair with one of Elvis' girlfriends.  Elvis faked his own death to avoid getting caught.  Elvis also killed Michael Jackson because Jackson found out about Elvis killing Kennedy and was going to expose Elvis.
Elvis remains at large.  There are rumors that he is living somewhere in Argentina with Adolph Hitler. 

 ***

Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was an undercover cop working to bust a cocaine cartel run by the CIA.  The CIA effectively stopped Rob Ford by creating a cocaine video about Ford taking cocaine.  The CIA leaked the video to the press.  The CIA also gave Rob Ford cancer.

*** 

A polluted ghost appeared to some members of Greenpeace and said, "Climate change is caused by hot air from politicians."

***

The numbers 5 + 4 and 8 + 3 were behind 911.

***

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche killed God, and took his job.  (That's why things aren't going too well.)

***

"The truth is out there."

"Yeah?  Tell it to get inside before it catches a cold."

A PSYCHIC TOLD ME . . .

A psychic told me that one day I will die.  Should I believe her?  She has made right and wrong predictions.

Here are the predictions that came true:

• that spring would come after winter;
• that things would stay the same if they do not change;
• a picture is worth a thousand words;
• the Super Bowl would have one winner and one loser; and,
• that 2 + 2 = 5 to people poor at math.

Here are the predictions that did not come true:

• that Jesus Christ and Elvis Presley would return on July 20, 2014, and give a church service with rock music in Central Park;
• that American and Canadian governments would honor the treaties with Native Americans and First Nations;
• that feminist groups would invite comedian Bill Cosby to speak at their meetings;
• on March 17, 2015, Ireland would experience a severe earthquake revealing where St. Patrick hid the snakes; and,
• on March 23, 2015, Peter Pan and Harry Potter would hold a press conference announcing their engagement.

I will let you know whether her prediction about my death comes true.