CONSPIRACIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Elvis Presley killed President John F. Kennedy because Kennedy had an affair with one of Elvis' girlfriends.  Elvis faked his own death to avoid getting caught.  Elvis also killed Michael Jackson because Jackson found out about Elvis killing Kennedy and was going to expose Elvis.
Elvis remains at large.  There are rumors that he is living somewhere in Argentina with Adolph Hitler. 

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Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was an undercover cop working to bust a cocaine cartel run by the CIA.  The CIA effectively stopped Rob Ford by creating a cocaine video about Ford taking cocaine.  The CIA leaked the video to the press.  The CIA also gave Rob Ford cancer.

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A polluted ghost appeared to some members of Greenpeace and said, "Climate change is caused by hot air from politicians."

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The numbers 5 + 4 and 8 + 3 were behind 911.

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German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche killed God, and took his job.  (That's why things aren't going too well.)

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"The truth is out there."

"Yeah?  Tell it to get inside before it catches a cold."

THIS IS NOT A CONSPIRACY THEORY

Michael Jackson does not look like a killer, does he?

He is.  Michael Jackson was behind the assassinations of President John Kennedy, Senator Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King.  Why?  Both Kennedys and Martin Luther King never went to a Jackson Five concert.  This angered Michael to no end.

Michael looked like this when he carried out the killings.  He changed his appearance over the years to keep from getting caught.  Investigators were looking for a black guy with an Afro and not a white lady with long black hair.

Michael managed to evade arrest up until the Spring of 2009.  That's when investigators started putting the pieces of the puzzle together.  It showed Michael Jackson was responsible for all three deaths, and may have been behind 911.  To avoid arrest, Michael Jackson faked his own death.

Michael Jackson is alive and well and living on the Moon where he goes for walks daily.

This is not a conspiracy theory, it is fact.  How do I know?  I have a reliable source: my imagination.

BURNING THE QUR'AN

     Why all the fuss over simple confusion?  Reverend Terry Jones is confused because he thinks he is doing God's work by burning the Qur'an.  Muslims are confused because they think a fellow human being can hurt or destroy what the Qur'an represents.  Political and religious leaders are confused because they, too, believe that what the Qur'an represents can be attacked.  Is this much ado about  madness?

     The Qur'an, The Bible, and any other holy book,  are symbols and symbols only.  They are not what they represent.  What they represent is beyond offense, harm and destruction.  Can you imagine if this was not so?

"Almighty God is Great, but He was hospitalized today when someone burned His Holy Book . . . "

      A restaurant's menu is not its food.

      What harm will be done by Reverend Jones?  Only the Qur'ans he burns will be destroyed.  He may contribute to global warming.  But other than that,  Islam will survive and so will Allah. 

     Reverend Jones thinks he is doing something significant.  Good for him.    After his "significant" act, he can celebrate, with his congregation,  at a local restaurant by eating the menu. 

     Are aliens watching us and laughing?