SOME BIBLICAL CHARACTERS, A BAR, AND A FLY

God walks into a bar and the bartender says, "My God!  What are you doing here?"

"I've come here for a drink," says God.

"But you're  The Lord, The Creator, The Almighty!" says the bartender.  "You can create anything you want including a drink."

"I know," says God, "but sometimes, for a change, I like someone else to do the work."

***

Noah walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

"I'm not sure," says Noah.  "I am thirsty."

"Would you like a glass of water?" asks the bartender.

"NO!" 

***

David and Goliath walk into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

David says, "Champagne!  Champagne!  We're celebrating thousands and thousands of years together."

"You guys have been together for thousands and thousands of years?" asks the bartender.

And Goliath says, "That's right.  The first time I saw him I fell for him."

***

A fly walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What are you doing here?  You're not a biblical character."  He swats the fly, and the fly's life ends along with this blog.

YOU READ IT HERE FIRST . . .

The CIA was responsible for the flood that destroyed the world.  They made it appear as if God did it, but it was all CIA.  Noah was saved because he was a paid CIA informant.

The CIA had a machine that controlled the weather.  I am not at liberty to say how I obtained the following conversation:


"It's the weather machine, sir," said the CIA agent.

"What about it?" asked the CIA boss. 

"It's out of control and we don't know why, or how to stop it."

"So?  There will be weather that we can't control until we fix it.  What's the big deal?"

"The big deal, sir, is that soon it will make it rain for forty days and forty nights causing a flood."

"Hmmm . . .   Is Noah still on our payroll?"

"Yes sir." 
     
"Good.  Get him to finish that damn ark he's been farting around with.  Tell him to collect all the animals' DNA and take it the ark.  Tell him we will have a cover story about God destroying the world, etc., etc."

"A cover story about God destroying the world, sir?  Who is going to believe that an all-loving God would kill his children?"

"Don't worry.  If we plant the story in a holy book called The Bible, then a lot of people will believe it."

"Okay, sir, if you say so."

"I take it that we're safe in this building no matter what the weather machine does?"

"Yes sir."  

"Good.  Now go tell Noah to get busy."

"Yes, sir." 


Remember, you read it here first.

BURNING THE QUR'AN

     Why all the fuss over simple confusion?  Reverend Terry Jones is confused because he thinks he is doing God's work by burning the Qur'an.  Muslims are confused because they think a fellow human being can hurt or destroy what the Qur'an represents.  Political and religious leaders are confused because they, too, believe that what the Qur'an represents can be attacked.  Is this much ado about  madness?

     The Qur'an, The Bible, and any other holy book,  are symbols and symbols only.  They are not what they represent.  What they represent is beyond offense, harm and destruction.  Can you imagine if this was not so?

"Almighty God is Great, but He was hospitalized today when someone burned His Holy Book . . . "

      A restaurant's menu is not its food.

      What harm will be done by Reverend Jones?  Only the Qur'ans he burns will be destroyed.  He may contribute to global warming.  But other than that,  Islam will survive and so will Allah. 

     Reverend Jones thinks he is doing something significant.  Good for him.    After his "significant" act, he can celebrate, with his congregation,  at a local restaurant by eating the menu. 

     Are aliens watching us and laughing?