ON SNOW

Snow walked into a bar.  The bartender wiped it up because it melted.



"Why did the snow cross the road?"
"I don't know.  Why?"
"It didn't cross the road.  It was tossed on the other side by someone shoveling."

Salvador Dali: How many snowmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Straight Person For This Joke: I don't know.  How many?

Salvador Dali:  Melting clocks! 



Does Santa have a red nose from the cold, or from snorting snow?

KU KLUX KLAN UPSET OVER SNOWFLAKE DATING CORNFLAKE

Donald Trump: How many snowmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Hillary Clinton: I don't know, Donald.  How many?

Donald Trump: Just one, but it has to be an American snowman made from American snow.

CONSPIRACIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Elvis Presley killed President John F. Kennedy because Kennedy had an affair with one of Elvis' girlfriends.  Elvis faked his own death to avoid getting caught.  Elvis also killed Michael Jackson because Jackson found out about Elvis killing Kennedy and was going to expose Elvis.
Elvis remains at large.  There are rumors that he is living somewhere in Argentina with Adolph Hitler. 

 ***

Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was an undercover cop working to bust a cocaine cartel run by the CIA.  The CIA effectively stopped Rob Ford by creating a cocaine video about Ford taking cocaine.  The CIA leaked the video to the press.  The CIA also gave Rob Ford cancer.

*** 

A polluted ghost appeared to some members of Greenpeace and said, "Climate change is caused by hot air from politicians."

***

The numbers 5 + 4 and 8 + 3 were behind 911.

***

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche killed God, and took his job.  (That's why things aren't going too well.)

***

"The truth is out there."

"Yeah?  Tell it to get inside before it catches a cold."

VACANT MIND FOR SALE

Death is a once in a lifetime opportunity. (I can't wait.)


Need more incentive?  Try taking cocaine.


I have used my line of credit to tie myself up in debt. 


Want a successful business?  Try selling drugs.


Knowledge is power. (But it cannot replace electricity.)


Is masturbation self-serve sex?


I want to make money, but making money is illegal.


Is thinking easier than you think?