The Ides of March Conspiracy

Did Julius Caesar die on March 15, 44 B.C.?  Some say he was tipped off by a CIA informant about the plot against his life. Caesar hired a double to take his place at the Senate that fateful morning.  It was the double who was killed.

Caesar escaped and went to Mexico where he got into the salad-making business.  During an interview Caesar said, "I had it with politics.  You don't know who your friends are.  The instant you turn your back someone is sticking a knife in it."

Recently, some UFO abductees say they saw Caesar serving his salad to the aliens on board a flying saucer.  The abductees say that the aliens are keeping Caesar alive forever because they love his salad.

Adolph Hitler dismissed the Ides of March Conspiracy.  Hitler said, "Suggesting that anyone can fake his or her death and live in another country is ridiculous."  

It's A Conspiracy!

It's a conspiracy!  JFK caused 911.  His accomplice was O.J. Simpson.  They disguised themselves as Saudi Arabians and flew planes into the World Trade Center. They killed Lee Harvey Oswald before he could warn us. They also killed Michael Jackson to stop the moon from walking.

It's a conspiracy!  A U.S. plane got caught in a storm, lost its course, and crashed on Mars.  The Martian government denied that the crash happened.  They also deny that U.S. planes exist. They took the bodies of the plane's pilot and passengers and the plane to Area 52, a secret underground base on Mars.  Martian scientists reverse-engineered the U.S. plane and set their technology back 347 years.

It's a conspiracy!  The Bermuda Triangle is really a circle. The Geometrical Commission caught the Bermuda Triangle using the circle's washroom. The Bermuda Triangle used its connections to the angles, who control the degrees of everything, to keep this scandal out of the news.

It's a conspiracy! A funny bone technician, who is nonexistent, writes these blogs because he doesn't want the world to laugh.

CONSPIRACIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Elvis Presley killed President John F. Kennedy because Kennedy had an affair with one of Elvis' girlfriends.  Elvis faked his own death to avoid getting caught.  Elvis also killed Michael Jackson because Jackson found out about Elvis killing Kennedy and was going to expose Elvis.
Elvis remains at large.  There are rumors that he is living somewhere in Argentina with Adolph Hitler. 

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Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was an undercover cop working to bust a cocaine cartel run by the CIA.  The CIA effectively stopped Rob Ford by creating a cocaine video about Ford taking cocaine.  The CIA leaked the video to the press.  The CIA also gave Rob Ford cancer.

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A polluted ghost appeared to some members of Greenpeace and said, "Climate change is caused by hot air from politicians."

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The numbers 5 + 4 and 8 + 3 were behind 911.

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German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche killed God, and took his job.  (That's why things aren't going too well.)

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"The truth is out there."

"Yeah?  Tell it to get inside before it catches a cold."

IT'S A CONSPIRACY?

Does this happen to you?  You see that there is no lineup to the cashier at a store.  You start to walk towards the cashier thinking, "No lineup!  It won't take me long to checkout my one item."  But as you walk towards the cashier, suddenly hordes of people appear out of nowhere and form a line.  All of them have a hundred items or more to check out.  You wait in line that was not there seconds ago, and age several years before you get to the cashier. 

How about this?  You have to go to the washroom.  Your gut is about to burst.  There's a clear path to the public washroom.  You can see it.  But as you walk this clear path to the washroom with such great determination, people come out of nowhere and cut you off by crossing your path, or they walk slowly in front of you.  No more clear path.

It's a conspiracy!  Everybody has a miniature radio in their head that they use to transmit and receive messages.

Here's a typical radio transmission:

"I see him.  He's walking towards the cashier.  Oh my God, there is no lineup at the cashier.  That means he will get through in no time.  I'm close to the cashier.  Can anyone else help out?"

"I can get behind you.  I have a grocery cart full of groceries."

"So can I.  I have lots of groceries to hold him up."

"Me, too."

"Me, too."

"Me, too."

And then there is a lineup where there was none before.

It's the conspirators' goal to make sure that I don't get to where I am going.  If they can't stop me, then they make it as inconvenient as possible.  This happens no matter where I am going.

Am I the only one this happens to?  Am I the only one who does not have a miniature radio in my head?