Julius Caesar's Final Words?

The Death of Julius Caesar by Vincenzo Camuccini (1771 - 1844)

The Ides of March Conspiracy

Did Julius Caesar die on March 15, 44 B.C.?  Some say he was tipped off by a CIA informant about the plot against his life. Caesar hired a double to take his place at the Senate that fateful morning.  It was the double who was killed.

Caesar escaped and went to Mexico where he got into the salad-making business.  During an interview Caesar said, "I had it with politics.  You don't know who your friends are.  The instant you turn your back someone is sticking a knife in it."

Recently, some UFO abductees say they saw Caesar serving his salad to the aliens on board a flying saucer.  The abductees say that the aliens are keeping Caesar alive forever because they love his salad.

Adolph Hitler dismissed the Ides of March Conspiracy.  Hitler said, "Suggesting that anyone can fake his or her death and live in another country is ridiculous."  

BEWARE OF BLOGS ABOUT THE IDES OF MARCH

On March 15, 44 B.C., Julius Caesar's friends got the ingredients for Caesar Salad wrong.  They lost it when Caesar tried to correct them.

What were some of the other things said, on March 15, 44 B.C., that weren't recorded in the history books?


Julius Caesar said to his wife, Calpurnia, just as he was walking out the door, "I got a quick meeting with the boys, and then I'll be right back so we can go shopping."


Brutus said to Cassius, "Do we have to stab him?  Couldn't we shoot him instead?"
"No Brutus," said Cassius, "we can't shoot him.  Guns haven't been invented yet."
"Oh yeah, I forgot."


 Lee Harvey Oswald said to Brutus, "What am I doing here?  I'm not supposed to take the spotlight for another 2007 years."
"Don't worry, Lee," said Brutus.  "We'll make sure no one sees you."


Cassius said to Cinna, "No, Cinna, you can't go to the bathroom!  Caesar will be here any minute."


"Ouch!  Ouch!  Wait!" said Caesar.  "This is not what I meant when I said that I wanted you guys to poke me!"


"Et tu, Brute?" said Caesar before he died.
"Speak English, Julius, speak English!" said Brutus.  "You know I flunked Latin."

MARCH 15, 44 BCE

In an alternate universe, did a soothsayer approach the Ides of March and say, "Beware of Julius Caesar, for he will make a bloody mess."

***

Brutus walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

Brutus says, "I'll have a Bloody Caesar, please."

"I should have known," said the bartender.

***

Cassius:  He's back!

Brutus:  Who's back?

Cassius:  Caesar, Julius Caesar.  He's back.

Brutus:  He is?

Cassius:  Yes, but only as a salad.  He'll leaf us alone if we leaf him alone.

***

"How are you getting along these days, Julius?" asks a reporter.

"Great!" says Caesar. "My friends always have my back."

  

***

"Hello.  Is this the Praetorian Insurance Company?  It is?  Good.  I'm a beneficiary on Julius Caesar's life insurance policy.  It's been 2,059 years since he died, and I have yet to receive any money . . . "

THE IDES OF MARCH

Julius Caesar died March 15, 44 BC.   History tells us that he was assassinated.   This is not true.   Caesar's death was an accident.       His friends misunderstood the recipe for making Caesar salad.