Some of Life's Questions . . .

Who invented life?  God?  If so, then was it an original idea or did he steal it from somewhere?


Why are we born naked?


Do babies produce anything else besides poop and pee?


Why do children ask so many questions?


Is there a relationship between teenage years and the terrible twos?


Is it possible to go through puberty and still maintain a platonic relationship with your hands?


Why do we pretend to like jobs we hate?
 

If money cannot buy happiness, then what will?


Do bowels ever move and not leave a forwarding address?


How come Life never asks us what we mean?


Does falling in hate only happen after people marry?


Why do most people wait until we die before they say nice things about us?


How does God run the Universe without a cell phone or computer?


Who invented death?  God?  If so, then was it an original idea or did he steal it from somewhere?

Not All About Death

"When did Death cross the road?"
"I dunno."
"When it was time."



Death walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What do you want?"
And Death said, "You."
(That's it for this joke.)

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Death."

"Sorry, there's no one home."

"How many deaths does it take to change a light bulb?"

"How many?"

"None.  Death likes the dark."

"What's the difference between death and taxes?"

"What?"

"Death starts with a  D and taxes starts with a T."

"What is Death's favorite word?"

"What?"

"Surprise!"

"What is Death's favorite sport?"

"What?"

"War."

"War is not a sport."

"Try telling that to Death."

Where do blogs go after they end?

The Lighter Side of Grief

If The Dead Could Talk . . .

What would our loved ones say at their funeral visitations or funerals?

"Does this coffin make my ass look big?"

"Could you people keep the noise down?  I'm trying to rest in peace."

"What are you gawking at?"

"Of course I don't look like myself.  I'm dead!"

"Great!  You're visiting me now.  Why didn't you visit me while I was alive?"

"You can close the lid, I'm not claustrophobic."

"I gotta loosen up.  I'm feeling a little stiff."

"Does anyone know how to get to the Zombie Club?"

"Death, what a trip!"

ON THOUGHT

A thought walked into a bar and the bartender said, "There you are!  I had you this morning and then you disappeared."

And the thought got up and started to leave.

"Wait a minute," said the bartender.  "Where are you going."

"Sorry," said the thought as it walked away, "but you're gonna have to write me down if you want me to stay."

"How many thoughts does it take to change a light bulb?"

"I don't know."

"None.  Thoughts don't change light bulbs.  Action changes light bulbs."

"Why did the thought cross the road?"

"Why?"

"I forgot.  I should have written the punchline down when I thought about it."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?

"Thought."

"Thought who?"

"Thought you would ask that after I knocked."

Do pigs have fat thoughts?

Some people make you wonder whether their thoughts originate in their brains, or other parts of their bodies.

What does it mean if you smell rubber burning when you're thinking?

Does Death have thoughts about the meaning of life?

Do fish have deep thoughts?

Does Life have thoughts about the meaning of death?

"How do you end a blog on thought?"

"Why do you want to end it?"

"I'm getting sick from the smell of burning rubber."

CLUBS, ORGANIZTIONS AND ASSOCIATIONS THAT EXIST SOMEWHERE

The Association of Lottery Losers  (ALL)



Common Sense Club  (CSC)



Bad Smells Incorporated  (BSI)



The Green Cheese Moon Society  (GCMS)



The Wholesale Holistic Poison Store



The Sickness And Death Clinic



The Future Life Regression Place



The Descended Masters' Palace



The Probiotic Robots' Colon Club


The End

THINGS I WOULD DO IF I HAD THE COURAGE

 

If I had the courage, then I would . . . 

- Breastfeed my bicycle in public;

- Abduct aliens and give them anal probes;

- Stand on walls instead of floors;

- Kill death;

- Corral coral;

- Climb the stairway to Heaven, ring the bell at the gate, and then run away; 

- Start my own TV station and broadcast nothing but junk;  (Someone else may have done this before.)

and

- Write blogs that are funny. 

Hmmm . . .

A health-conscious killer will give his victims organically-grown poison.


At times, life is an organized mess.


All housing is affordable if you have enough money.


When you consider when it is paid, life insurance should be called death insurance.


By the time they become adults, most humans are self-cleaning.


A renovated brain will improve your life.


Caca never dies.


When a company advertises that it has over 50 years experience, it could mean that it has over 50 years of making mistakes.


Superman never received an award for courage.


The End is The End except when it isn't.

ON DEATH

Does Death have a degree in philosophy?  What about religion?  Which religion is Death?



Death walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Oh no!"
"Don't worry," says Death, "I'm not here for you."
"Then why are you here?" asks the bartender.
"A drink.  I came in here for a drink."
"What would you like?  Whatever you want is on the house."
"Why thank you," says Death.  "I'll have a-"
But the joke suddenly died.  That's okay.  It wasn't funny anyway.

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?

"Death."

"Death who?"

"That's an odd way to sneeze."

Does Death ever get tired of being punishment?

"How many deaths does it take it take to change a light bulb?"

"I don't know.  How many?"

"342."

"Why so many?"

"Don't know.  Everyone is afraid to ask."

"What is Death's favorite color?"

"I don't know.  What is Death's favorite color?"

"Bleak."

"Why did Death cross the road?"

"I don't know.  Why did Death cross the road?"

"To get to The End."

SOME PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS

Do I exist, or am I only a voice in my head?



If God exists:
- Why is there evil in the world?
- Why does he allow people to suffer?
- Why doesn't he tell us where to shop for good deals?



What is the life of meaning?   How long will meaning last?



Will I be sick when I die?  Is there any sense in dying while healthy?



Is it possible to pronounce ethical ethnics ten times perfectly?



Is Freedom a place where things don't cost anything?



Why are some people happy when depressed?



What is the meaning of The End?

ROCKS AND SKY

Do rocks die?

And what about the sky?

Does the sky die?

If rocks and the sky die, then where do their souls go?  Heaven?  Are there rocks and sky in Heaven?  Is there a separate Heaven just for the souls of rocks and the sky?

What if the rocks and sky were bad?  Would they go to Hell?  But how can rocks and the sky be bad?  What could they do other than being rocks and the sky?  Being what they are isn't bad.

What about their wills?  What would a rock and the sky leave?  To whom or what would they leave it?

I, Rock, being of sound mind and minerals, leave all my rockiness to the ground . . .  

I, Sky, being of sound mind and atmosphere, leave all my air to the clouds . . . 

We could survive with dead rocks.  Lots of people have dead rocks in their heads.  But a dead sky?  How will survive if the sky dies?