Not All About Philosophical Questions

"Why did the philosophical question cross the road?"
"Why?"
"Good question."


 "How many philosophical questions does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Just one, but does the light bulb need to be changed?"
"If it's burnt out, then yes."
"Is it burnt out?  How can you know for sure that it is burnt out?"
"It doesn't work.  You flick the switch and the light does not come on?"
"But how do you know it's the light bulb?  Maybe the electrical switch is broken.  Maybe the power is out.  Maybe---"
"Can we move on to the next joke?  You're making my head hurt."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"A surreal philosophical question."

"A surreal philosophical question who?"

"Yes."

Should I choose to believe in free will?

What is a black hole's favorite color?

How long do philosophers sit and think when they are making caca?

Will free will always be free, or will The Universe try to make it more efficient by privatizing it?

 Will two wrongs ever make a left?

Does a thought know that it is only a thought that someone is thinking?

Who was it that said, "First, do no farm?"  And what did he or she mean by doing no farm?  Not becoming Old MacDonald?

Does the Golden Rule cost the same regardless of the economic conditions?

How can there be life after death when death is the end of life?  If there is life after death, then there can't be death and life just goes on and on and on like some people talking.

Is there life after this blog?  

Some of Life's Questions . . .

Who invented life?  God?  If so, then was it an original idea or did he steal it from somewhere?


Why are we born naked?


Do babies produce anything else besides poop and pee?


Why do children ask so many questions?


Is there a relationship between teenage years and the terrible twos?


Is it possible to go through puberty and still maintain a platonic relationship with your hands?


Why do we pretend to like jobs we hate?
 

If money cannot buy happiness, then what will?


Do bowels ever move and not leave a forwarding address?


How come Life never asks us what we mean?


Does falling in hate only happen after people marry?


Why do most people wait until we die before they say nice things about us?


How does God run the Universe without a cell phone or computer?


Who invented death?  God?  If so, then was it an original idea or did he steal it from somewhere?

Not All About Questions

"Why did the question cross the road?"

"Why?"

"Because it was there."

Is God a dropout?  Where are the records to show that God finished school?

A question walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"

And the question said, "I don't know.  I've never been in a bar joke before."

Do you know how hard it is to wash and dry your hair when you're bald?

Is the weather unpredictable because everything is up in the air?

Why do they call it toilet paper when it is not used on toilets?

Do headaches have sex?

Do souls have shoes?



Does the road ever get tired of being hit by Jack?



"Knock.  Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Question."
"Question who?"
"Duh--I'm not sure.  This is my first knock-knock joke."



How will this blog end?

Questions Not Frequently Asked

Why is the sky blue?  Was it always depressed?

How long does something have to be before it is called "short"?

What do gifts give each other for Christmas?

Would garbage still smell if it showered more often?

Which university did The Universe go to?

Was Curiosity ever charged with cruelty to animals?

Why are dead people always late for dinner?

How does one become a Good Vibration?

What would rain be if it wasn't rain?

What was the first question, and who asked it?*

* God asked the first question:  "Will human beings survive even though I haven't perfected their brains?"

101 Questions

1 - Does examining current art and entertainment show that anyone can be creative?

2 - Are death notices the only things true in newspapers?

3 - Is it really okay to express your feelings when you express your feelings?

4 - How come the Ministry of Transportation never goes anywhere? 

5 - How long would humans be happy if they were happy?

6 - Will I remember my dreams if I sleep on a memory foam mattress?

7 - Is it possible to regret the future?

8 - How wise are owls if they're always asking, "Who?"  Shouldn't they know?

9 - Do ghosts believe in people?

10 - Is Graffiti an Italian artist?

11 - Can you count on numbers?

12 - Are rainbows gay?

13 - Is this The End?

"It can't be.  Your title says 101 Questions."

So sue me.

Questions About God II

Which washroom does God use, men's or women's?

Did God get a flu shot?

Does God believe in reincarnation?

Has God ever seen a flying saucer?

What religion is God?

What did God do before there was religion?

How much money does God have in the Vatican Bank?

Does God have a cell phone?  

Does God always tell the truth?

Is God afraid of heights?

What kind of car does God drive?

How come we never hear about God's family?

What are God's plans after the world ends?

MY BOOK OF QUESTIONS

My Book of  Questions was recently published on the planet Jargonthynos.  The date for the publication of an Earth edition is not known.  Here is an excerpt:

Are dogs lucky that fire hydrants never complain?  


Do fire hydrants have low self-esteem?

What perverse pleasure does God get by sending earthquakes, hurricanes, and other disasters?

Was there a fifth season whose murder was committed and covered up by the CIA?


Is "Icon" something a jailbird says who does not know the word "am" and the indefinite article "a"?


How come black holes don't have a reality show?


What make and model of car does God drive?  Does he get good deals on gas?


Are sweepstakes brooms made from cows?


Has the world ended yet?

MY HEAD "ROCKS" WITH QUESTIONS

It is not true that rocks don't talk.  The rocks in my head have a lot to say, but mostly they ask questions:

"Do beavers ever get damned tired?"

"Was Oedipus Rex the first person to engage in sexual intercourse with his mother?"

  

"Is there a word for a person who engages in sexual intercourse with mothers?"

"How would cops cope if there were copious crooked cops?"

"What do cannibals pack for lunch?  Ladyfingers?  Esophagus sandwiches?  Bellybutton pudding?

"Would we feel less lonely if more people had rocks in their heads?"

"Can we stop asking questions now?"

JUST A FEW QUESTIONS . . .

Did Edgar Allan Poe invent poetry?

 

Can you communicate effectively with your foot in your mouth?

If in the beginning there was a void, then what was the first letter of this void?

One last question  . . .  Is there anything else I can ask?

THE GREAT QUESTIONS OF LIFE . . .

THINGS THEY SAID THAT NEVER MADE THE QUOTE BOOKS

"Writer's block?  Is that like a desk for writers?"
                                 - William Shakespeare


"She barely smiles.  Why won't she laugh at my jokes?"
                                 - Leonardo Da Vinci


"An apple a day keeps the doctor away?  I don't think so!"
                                  - Sir Isaac Newton 


"What's wrong with asking questions?"
                                   - Socrates


"How many light bulbs does it take to invent one?"
                                   - Thomas Edison


 "Whenever I want to be bewildered, I read the stuff I've written."
                                   - James Joyce


"I tell lies all the time so one day they will make me President."
                                   - George Washington  


 "I had a dream I got Carl Jung pregnant."
                                   - Sigmund Freud 
  

"March is my favorite month of the year."
                                   - Julius Caesar

                              "What?"

                                  - Ludwig van Beethoven