GOALS

"My goals in life are to eat, drink and be merry.  I will eat and drink now, and be merry after my sex-change operation," said Poindexter Diddle.


"My goal in life is to always remember never to forget," said Elmer Elephant. 


"My goal is to write books people won't understand," said James Joyce. 


"My goal in life is never to get cross with people," said Jesus.


"My goal is never to meet my partner," said Lawrence Parallel Line.


"My goal in life is to smell even if I don't have a nose," said Rose Rose.


"My goal is to ribbet ribbet," said Frankie Frog.


"My goal in life is to last forever," said Donald Dodo Bird.


"My goal is to create beings that are ignorant and savage and always find excuses to kill each other," said God.

HAPPY BLOOMSDAY!

James Joyce's Ulysses takes place on June 16, 1904.  In honor of Bloomsday . . . 

Q:  How many James Joyce's does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  One, but he can't do it because he is dead. 

Q:  Why did James Joyce cross the road?

A:  He was following a chicken on its way to Finnegans Wake.

Did James Joyce ever catch any fish in the Stream of Consciousness? 

James Joyce walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

James Joyce says, "Foowq hecno dadeq ng."

"What?" says the bartender.  "I don't understand you."

"That's okay," says James Joyce, "neither do my readers."

THINGS THEY SAID THAT NEVER MADE THE QUOTE BOOKS

"Writer's block?  Is that like a desk for writers?"
                                 - William Shakespeare


"She barely smiles.  Why won't she laugh at my jokes?"
                                 - Leonardo Da Vinci


"An apple a day keeps the doctor away?  I don't think so!"
                                  - Sir Isaac Newton 


"What's wrong with asking questions?"
                                   - Socrates


"How many light bulbs does it take to invent one?"
                                   - Thomas Edison


 "Whenever I want to be bewildered, I read the stuff I've written."
                                   - James Joyce


"I tell lies all the time so one day they will make me President."
                                   - George Washington  


 "I had a dream I got Carl Jung pregnant."
                                   - Sigmund Freud 
  

"March is my favorite month of the year."
                                   - Julius Caesar

                              "What?"

                                  - Ludwig van Beethoven