INTELLECTUAL HUMOR

"Should I sell my collection of boulders?" asked Sisyphus.  "Will they amount to more than a hill of beans?"


"Why did Albert Einstein cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"To visit a Relative."


How I Got From Bored To Bard 
 by William Shakespeare.


"Why did Socrates cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"He was on a special mission from the CIA, and that's all you need to know."


Is it true that Thomas Edison wore diapers, and light bulbs used to change him? 


After he died, Friedrich Nietzsche retracted his statement, "God is dead."


My bank account was the inspiration for Jean Paul Sartre's book,  Being and Nothingness.


"Why did Pythagoras cross the road?"
"Another mission by the CIA?"
"No.  Pythagoras crossed the road to see his pet hypotenuse which he kept in a square on the other two sides."


"Okay, that's enough!  My brain hurts."

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE SAID IT BEST . . .

William Shakespeare said it best, "It's fucking cold outside!"

 

William Shakespeare also said, "Who the hell wrote my plays?"

The last words of Socrates? "Hey!  I asked for Kool-Aid.  This isn't Kool-Aid." 


Walt Disney said this?  "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." (Google this quote if you doubt me)  



"This play is boring.  Something better happen soon or else I'm leaving."
                                    - Abraham Lincoln


"I have nothing to offer but blood, sweat and tears.  I haven't got Ebola so everyone should be okay."
                                  - Winston Churhill 
 "Can I have one of the three?"
                       - Dracula to Winston


 "I'm spending waay too much money on razors!"
                           - The Wolfman


"The End is near!"
              - A Flea on a Dog's Tail

THINGS THEY SAID THAT NEVER MADE THE QUOTE BOOKS

"Writer's block?  Is that like a desk for writers?"
                                 - William Shakespeare


"She barely smiles.  Why won't she laugh at my jokes?"
                                 - Leonardo Da Vinci


"An apple a day keeps the doctor away?  I don't think so!"
                                  - Sir Isaac Newton 


"What's wrong with asking questions?"
                                   - Socrates


"How many light bulbs does it take to invent one?"
                                   - Thomas Edison


 "Whenever I want to be bewildered, I read the stuff I've written."
                                   - James Joyce


"I tell lies all the time so one day they will make me President."
                                   - George Washington  


 "I had a dream I got Carl Jung pregnant."
                                   - Sigmund Freud 
  

"March is my favorite month of the year."
                                   - Julius Caesar

                              "What?"

                                  - Ludwig van Beethoven