A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

I had a dream that I was William Shakespeare, and that I was in love with Walt Disney.  But Walt Disney did not love me.  He was in love with Mickey Mouse.  But Mickey Mouse did not love Walt Disney.  Mickey was in love with Donald Trump.  But Donald Trump did not love Mickey.  Donald Trump was in love with Kurt Vonnegut.  And so it goes.

I went to the fairies to get a love potion to make Walt Disney fall in love with me.  I arrived at the dark enchanted forest at 3:55 p.m.  They told me that I had to fill out some forms, but that they were closing the enchanted forest at four.  I would have come back the next day at 8:00 a.m. when they opened.  

The fairies used to be available 24 hours a day 7 days a week, but that was before the Teamsters union bargained to get fairies working Monday to Friday, 8 to 4, with weekends off.

The fairies said that I did not have to wait until the next day to fill out the forms.  They said that I could go to their website and fill out the forms online.  Unfortunately I, as William Shakespeare, did not have a computer or any computer skills.

In the meantime, Donald Trump managed to corner Kurt Vonnegut and propose marriage.  Kurt Vonnegut said, "No."  This caused Donald Trump to sink deep into depression and declare his candidacy for President of the United States.  He would run as a Republican.

How devastating for Mickey Mouse was when he heard this.  Mickey Mouse comes from a long line of Democrats.  Mickey Mouse fled from Disneyland and went to Neverland where he met and fell in love with Peter Pan.  And Peter Pan fell in love with Mickey Mouse.

Suddenly I was in the fruit store that Mickey and Peter opened in Neverland.  I was looking for a nice ripe bunch of bananas.  And then I woke up.  And so it goes.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE SAID IT BEST . . .

William Shakespeare said it best, "It's fucking cold outside!"

 

William Shakespeare also said, "Who the hell wrote my plays?"

The last words of Socrates? "Hey!  I asked for Kool-Aid.  This isn't Kool-Aid." 


Walt Disney said this?  "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." (Google this quote if you doubt me)  



"This play is boring.  Something better happen soon or else I'm leaving."
                                    - Abraham Lincoln


"I have nothing to offer but blood, sweat and tears.  I haven't got Ebola so everyone should be okay."
                                  - Winston Churhill 
 "Can I have one of the three?"
                       - Dracula to Winston


 "I'm spending waay too much money on razors!"
                           - The Wolfman


"The End is near!"
              - A Flea on a Dog's Tail

WHAT BUGS BUGS?

CALL ME CRAZY IF YOU WANT . . .

Call me crazy if you want, but I swear I saw Osama bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis Presley having a coffee at a Starbucks. (I wanted to ask Osama for his birth certificate, but lost my courage.)

Call me crazy if you want, but pink elephants own all the liquor stores.

Call me crazy if you want, but cannibals stole Walt Disney's  frozen body and used it to invent a new ice-cream flavor: anti-Semite.

Call me crazy if you want, but somewhere on this planet is an Area 52.

Call me crazy if you want, but Michael Jackson did not die.  He went into hiding to practise tiddlywinks, and one day plans to emerge as the world champion.

Call me crazy if you want, but I am considering a proposal from Serpent Real Estate.  They are selling a garden with an apple tree. Should I buy it?

Call me crazy if you want, but I am looking for an honest politician.

Call me crazy if you want, but I joined The National Plunger Society.  Now the only block in my life is the one I live on.

Call me crazy if you want, but aliens abducted me; whizzed me around the Universe while showing me my future: taxes, death and more taxes.  Then they dropped me off at a Starbucks.

Call me crazy if you want . . .