Suckers

STUPID JOKES WITH NUMBERS

Number 7 walks into a bar.
"What will it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a Number 3, please."
The bartender brings Number 7 a Number 3.  Number 7 drinks it, pays and leaves as Number 10.


"I haven't paid taxes in years," says Number 9.
"How do you manage that?" asks 15 percent.
"Whenever the tax people come looking for me, I stand on my head.  They think I'm Number 6 and leave."


Number 8 was laughing and laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks Number 6.
"Look at Number 13,"  says Number 8.  "It's an odd number with a double-bubble belly!"


Poor Number 4!  He can't figure out why golfers keep calling him.


Q:  Why did Number 3 cross the road?
A:  It thought it was a chicken.


Q:  Why did Number 2 cross the road?
A:  To get to a toilet on the other side.


Q:  Why did Number 1 cross the road?
A:  It was bored and decided to follow 2 and 3.

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Two."

"Two who?"

"How nice you're glad I'm here.  Where's the toilet?"

The E--

"Hey Mr. Funny Bone Technician!  Don't end yet.  How about a joke about me, Number 5?  You got jokes for every other number, in this blog, except me.  You must be fair and put me a joke."

"Sorry, Number 5, but nothing comes to mind."

"Nothing comes to mind?  It's not fair!  It's not fair!" shouts Number 5 and storms off.

Number 5 walks into a bar.

"Why do depressed?" asks the bartender.

"That Funny Bone guy put all the other numbers in a joke, in his blog, except me."

"Sorry to hear that," says the bartender.  "What can I get you?"

"Can you bring me a joke, please?"

"Sure, no problem," says the bartender.

The bartender makes Number 5 a joke.  Number 5 drinks it, pays, and leaves laughing. 

ALL ABOUT MONEY

Q:  Why did the money cross the road?
A:  To get to the bar on the other side.



Money walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Wow!  You can have anything you want."
And money says, "I'll have happiness, please."
"Uh-er-uh--sorry," says the bartender, "you can have almost anything you want."
"Thanks," says money as it walks out.



Q:  Why did the rich man cross the road?
A:  He was following the money.



A rich man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The rich man says, "Nothing thanks.  Have you seen my money?  We were together and somehow we parted."
"Are you a fool?" asks the bartender.
"Yes," says the rich man, "but that won't matter once I get elected."



"I used to own a big house, a Mercedes Benz, and had a fortune in the bank, but I gave it all up," said a man on a park bench.
"Why?  You weren't happy?" asked a passerby.
"No," said the man, "I owe taxes and the government seized everything."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Money."

"Money who?"

"I lied.  It's Death and that's it for this blog."

WHY WOULD YOU ASK THESE QUESIONS?

Would extortion by any other name be taxes?

Hey Tippi Hedren, Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?*

What does asking the meaning of life mean?

 
*Obscure reference to something obscure.

HOW COME . . .

How come doctors and heroes take the credit when a life is saved, but say it was "God's Will" when there is death?

How come we would never steal a movie from a DVD store, but think nothing about downloading movies from the Internet?

How come we take makeup seriously?  We know it isn't real. 

How come we are shocked when a politician is caught lying?

How come we are shocked when a politician is caught in a sex scandal?

How come we always say, "Fine" when someone asks us how we are no matter how we really are or what is going on in our lives?

How come taxes aren't considered extortion?

How come the term "terrible tragedy" is used?  Are there tragedies that aren't terrible?

How come it's okay to wear a bathing suit on the beach, but not okay to wear your underwear on the beach?

How come it's so easy to get into trouble, yet not so easy to get out of trouble?

How come you are okay when you to talk to God, but not okay when God talks back?

How come I did not end this sooner?

CALL ME CRAZY IF YOU WANT . . .

Call me crazy if you want, but I swear I saw Osama bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis Presley having a coffee at a Starbucks. (I wanted to ask Osama for his birth certificate, but lost my courage.)

Call me crazy if you want, but pink elephants own all the liquor stores.

Call me crazy if you want, but cannibals stole Walt Disney's  frozen body and used it to invent a new ice-cream flavor: anti-Semite.

Call me crazy if you want, but somewhere on this planet is an Area 52.

Call me crazy if you want, but Michael Jackson did not die.  He went into hiding to practise tiddlywinks, and one day plans to emerge as the world champion.

Call me crazy if you want, but I am considering a proposal from Serpent Real Estate.  They are selling a garden with an apple tree. Should I buy it?

Call me crazy if you want, but I am looking for an honest politician.

Call me crazy if you want, but I joined The National Plunger Society.  Now the only block in my life is the one I live on.

Call me crazy if you want, but aliens abducted me; whizzed me around the Universe while showing me my future: taxes, death and more taxes.  Then they dropped me off at a Starbucks.

Call me crazy if you want . . .  

IF I WERE THE PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA . . .

If I were Prime Minister of Canada, I would abolish all taxes. Then, I would fly away to Never Never Land.

THE MEANING OF LIFE

What is the meaning of life? Paying taxes. If you think that your life is meaningless, then don't file a tax return. Watch how important your life suddenly becomes.