QUESTIONS YOU WON'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE

Does the Law of Gravity cause fallen angels?


Will people still want to get married after the world ends?


There are ghost writers.  How come we never see ghost plumbers?


Do imaginary friends get real or imaginary illnesses?


Why am I afraid to ask questions about fear?


Were there more than four seasons before Mother Nature laid off some weather workers?


Do punk rock bands ever get stoned?


Is it possible for my money to be broke?


Will May First takeover when April Thirtieth leaves?


Would I be writing blogs if I was the Mayor of Canada?

OVERUSED WORDS WITH SOME QUESTIONS

Before I was born, was I an accident waiting to happen?


How can Canada ever expect to have a strong dollar when it is called a loonie?

Has anyone ever been injured while performing the acid test?


Are people overweight, or are their bodies simply generous with their flesh?


Oh no!  The apple of my eye has a worm in it, and the worm wants to be a pupil.


Has anyone ever seen the blind leading the blind?


Does the elephant in the room ever forget why it is there?


Is it safe to say, condoms? 


Am I at my wit's end?  If so, will my wit have me arrested?

ON TERRORISM (And Other Minor Irritations)

Regarding the attack in Ottawa yesterday, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper says,  "We will not be intimidated."
Okay, so why are we increasing security all over the place?

Someone said that the terrorist attacked the heart of Canada's democracy.  Really?  Is Ottawa the heart of Canada's democracy, or the kidney of Canada's corruption?

BEER-DRINKING SEASON?

Josh Rubin, the Beer Columnist for The Toronto Star, starts off his column:

With Victoria Day weekend — aka the unofficial start of beer-drinking season — nearly upon us, you might be wondering just how you can slake your thirst for locally brewed suds.

First of all, how does one become a beer columnist?  What subjects does one study, in journalism school, to become a beer columnist?  What are the prerequisite courses?  What averages does one have to achieve to pass these courses?  

(The title Beer Columnist was used in the newspaper only.  Staff Reporter appears in the Internet link.) 

Secondly, there's a season for drinking beer?  When is the official start of beer-drinking season?   Does that mean that you can be charged for drinking beer out of season?  Do vodka, gin and rum, etc., have drinking seasons, too?

For my foreign friends, Queen Victoria was born May 24, 1819 and died January 20, 1901.  She ruled the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland from June 20, 1837 until her death.  (Shouldn't that be the United Queendom of Great Britain and Ireland since she wasn't a king?)

The birthday of Queen Victoria was celebrated in 1835 in Canada, 22 years before Canada became a country.  (They had beer back then?)   

The tradition continued and after her death in 1901, May 24 was by law known as Victoria Day.  In Canada we celebrate Victoria Day the third Monday in May.

Did Queen Victoria ever think that the celebration of her birthday would be the unofficial start of beer-drinking season in Canada?

http://www.thestar.com/life/food_wine/2014/05/16/a_beer_lovers_guide_to_toronto.html 

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS

Santa Claus was the first high-school dropout to make it big.  He hated high school.  Everyone teased him about his weight, and always wearing a red suit.  He dropped out of high school and headed to the North Pole.  The rest is fantasy.

The Universe is 13 billion years old,  and has never been to a doctor.  The Universe attributes its long life and good health to being everything that exists.

Composer Franz Liszt's first name was not always Franz.  He changed it to Franz from Grocery.

O.J. Simpson was part of  the conspiracy to kill John F. Kennedy.  O.J. was prepared to give President Kennedy poisoned orange juice if the bullets did not kill him.

The dark side of the Moon would disappear if the Moon practised better hygiene.

Cell phones are one of the leading causes of talking.

Canada welcomes new diseases and viruses.  They may apply for visas or work permits.

Faust has a twin brother named Slowst.  Few know this about Faust because Slowst is still moving through the birth canal. 

All things must pass.  Some things must piss.

Anti and uncle oxidants will keep you healthy.

Another day is . . .  another day.

HODGEPODGE SOUP . . .

"Of course it's an antique.  The label says, Made In Canada."

***

"My occupation?  I'm an impersonal trainer."

***

"I wish the fish in my dish would grant my wish."

***

"I'm not unemployed.  I am retired without a pension."

***

"Are Wall Street's crannies full of well-dressed crooks?"

***

"How do wishing wells make wishes?  Do they make a wish, and then throw up a previously swallowed coin?

***

"May the lion you meet face-to-face be a vegetarian."

***

"Weddings have nothing to do with marriage."

***

"May I ask you a question?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you never asked me for my permission to ask whether you could ask me a question." 

***

"I plan to visit Reality soon, but I won't stay long."

THE PRESIDENT OF CANADA PLEDGES ALLEGIANCE

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
 (Picture Courtesy of CBC)

NEW GOVERNOR GENERAL

David Johnston will replace Michaelle Jean as Canada's next governor general.  David Johnston is a white male.  How nice to see a member of a minority get the job.

G20 TORONTO PANDEMIC?

Have the G20 leaders had their distemper shots?   We can only hope so.  After all, we wouldn't want another pandemic.

CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER ON DRUGS?

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is against legalizing marijuana. He says, "I've been very fortunate to live a drug-free life . . ." What? He has never had a coffee, a cigarette, taken a pill, or drank a beer?

IF I WERE THE PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA . . .

If I were Prime Minister of Canada, I would abolish all taxes. Then, I would fly away to Never Never Land.