Cures

Headache - Cut your head off.  You'll never get a headache again.


Motion Sickness - To prevent motion sickness, don't move. 


Hangover - To cure a hangover, cut the noose.


Claustrophobia - Keep your eyes closed long enough, and you will forget that you are in a confined space.


Anorexia - Stop not eating.


Love - To cure love, get married.


Cold - To cure a cold, find a hot.  The cold will leave.


Influenza - To cure the flu, fly.  You cannot flu when you are flying.


Schizophrenia - If you're schizophrenic, then ask the voices in your head for a cure.  They know best.


Dutch Elm Disease (DED) - To cure DED, uproot, branch out, and stop acting like a tree.


Runny Nose - To cure a runny nose, catch it and tie it up until it agrees to stop running.


For cancer, and other serious diseases, death always works. But the best way to cure diseases is not to get them in the first place.  Stay healthy by keeping away from doctors. 

PRACTICE MAKES YOU PERFECTLY TIRED, AND OTHER SAYINGS

Two is company, three is a crowd and I didn't learn any numbers after three.


Great behinds stink alike.


If God had meant us to fly, then he would have given us zippers.


If a job is worth doing, then it is worth getting someone else to do it.


It's better to give than to receive--especially when it comes to diseases.


Where there's smoke, there's fire and coughing and choking and death--maybe.


The pen is mightier than the sword.  HA!


The buck stops here, and so does this blog.

LOVE QUOTES FROM PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS

Santa Claus was the first high-school dropout to make it big.  He hated high school.  Everyone teased him about his weight, and always wearing a red suit.  He dropped out of high school and headed to the North Pole.  The rest is fantasy.

The Universe is 13 billion years old,  and has never been to a doctor.  The Universe attributes its long life and good health to being everything that exists.

Composer Franz Liszt's first name was not always Franz.  He changed it to Franz from Grocery.

O.J. Simpson was part of  the conspiracy to kill John F. Kennedy.  O.J. was prepared to give President Kennedy poisoned orange juice if the bullets did not kill him.

The dark side of the Moon would disappear if the Moon practised better hygiene.

Cell phones are one of the leading causes of talking.

Canada welcomes new diseases and viruses.  They may apply for visas or work permits.

Faust has a twin brother named Slowst.  Few know this about Faust because Slowst is still moving through the birth canal. 

All things must pass.  Some things must piss.

Anti and uncle oxidants will keep you healthy.

Another day is . . .  another day.

CURES?

 "Cures?   Do not talk to me about cures.  You can talk to me about treatments,  but do not talk to me about cures.  I had a nice,  soft,  high-paying job until they found a cure."

                                                         -  Patrick  O.  Sobriety
                                                            Former CEO
                                                            The Canadian Polio Society