ARE YOU SURE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID? OR THEY SAID WHAT? II

THEY SAID WHAT?

 

THE OTHER CHRISTMAS SCENES

PICTURES NOT AT AN EXHIBITION . . .

I MUST BE GETTING OLD . . .

I must be getting old.  One of the  highlights of my day is lining a cookie sheet with aluminum foil.

I get tired after brushing my hair.

I think about having sex, and then I fall asleep

I go to the bathroom every morning -- and then I get out of bed.

I can remember when Santa Claus was a clean-shaven thin man.

I get excited listening to my hair grow.

I started using makeup from a funeral home.

I get out of breath while reading.

Sometimes I can't find my way home after putting out the garbage.

Occasionally I have to look at my driver's licence when someone asks me my name.

I must be getting old.  My friends keep telling how good I look.  And I keep telling them how good they look.  And  they keep telling  me how good I look.  And I keep telling them how good they look.  And they keep telling me . . .

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS

Santa Claus was the first high-school dropout to make it big.  He hated high school.  Everyone teased him about his weight, and always wearing a red suit.  He dropped out of high school and headed to the North Pole.  The rest is fantasy.

The Universe is 13 billion years old,  and has never been to a doctor.  The Universe attributes its long life and good health to being everything that exists.

Composer Franz Liszt's first name was not always Franz.  He changed it to Franz from Grocery.

O.J. Simpson was part of  the conspiracy to kill John F. Kennedy.  O.J. was prepared to give President Kennedy poisoned orange juice if the bullets did not kill him.

The dark side of the Moon would disappear if the Moon practised better hygiene.

Cell phones are one of the leading causes of talking.

Canada welcomes new diseases and viruses.  They may apply for visas or work permits.

Faust has a twin brother named Slowst.  Few know this about Faust because Slowst is still moving through the birth canal. 

All things must pass.  Some things must piss.

Anti and uncle oxidants will keep you healthy.

Another day is . . .  another day.

THINGS THAT DESTROY YOUR CONFIDENCE

Cannibals classify you as "junk food."

Skunks say how much you smell.

Aliens refuse to abduct you.

Beggars give you money. 

Muggers refuse to rob you.

Your doctor wants to put you in a cage.

Your imaginary friends won't invite you to their parties.

You're not on Santa's list.

The Easter Bunny throws eggs at you.

God won't add you as a friend on Facebook.