All About Monsters

"Why did Frankenstein cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To be in this blog."


"Why did Dracula keep crossing the road back and forth and back and forth?"
"Why?"
"Because he was batty."


Is it true The Wolf Man pays more for a haircut during a full moon?


Godzilla walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Aaaaaahhhhh!"  
Godzilla crushed the bar, the bartender, and solved the bar's problem with rats.


"What's The Mummy's favorite food?"
"I dunno."
"A wrap."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?

"The."

"The who."

"The Invisible Man."

"But I can't see you."

"That's the general idea."

"Gosh," said Frankenstein, "this wasn't worth me crossing the road for."

SPEECH BUBBLES

  

  

NOT MY LIFE IN PICTURES

 

 

WONDERING ABOUT GOOD NEWS, NEWSPAPERS, MODERN ART, AND OTHER STUFF

If there is a Good News Church, then there must be a Bad News Church.  Are all not welcome at the Bad News Church?  What goes on at the Bad News Church?  Do they sit around reading newspapers and watching television news?  What happens if they come across a good-news story?  Do they ban it?  What day of the week does the Bad News Church have its service?  Monday?

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Why don't people ever take the newspaper from the top of the pile?  If it isn't damaged, then is it contaminated in some way?  People will take newspapers from the middle or several below the top, but rarely from the top?  Why?

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"Farbtafel" by Paul Klee

How old does Modern Art have to be before it is no longer modern?

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When will New York become Old York?

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Does anything ever shock Frankenstein?

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Is blood breath better than bad breath?

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Does the Wolfman have to get an estimate from three barbers before an insurance company pays for his haircut? 

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CRAPPY CAPTIONS?

I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC

HONORING DRACULA ON DECEMBER SECOND

Tuesday December 2, 2014, is Dracula Day.  Why?  Just for the hell of it.  No other reason.  December Second has no connection to Dracula or vampires.  So, whether or not December Second sucks, Dracula, this day is for you -- actually only after sunset.


Dracula walks into a bar and the bartender says,"I know, I know, you want a Bloody Mary."
"No," says Dracula, "I'll have a glass of water, please."
"Water?  Water?" says the bartender.  "Since when did you start drinking water?"
Dracula replies, "Ever since Frankenstein caught Ebola from The Wolfman." 


"Hello Mr. Dracula?  Yes, this is your bank manager calling.  I am calling to let you know that your bank account is still in the red . . ."

Q:  Why did Dracula cross the road?

A:  To take his clothes to the cleaners.

  

AM I ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE MIRROR?

"How did you meet your wife?" asks one germ   to another.
"Oh," says the other germ, "we met in a              hospital."
  

 

GAYLORD

Frankenstein, Dracula and The Wolfman walk into a bar.
"What will it be?"  asks the bartender.
"I'll have a Bloody Mary," says Dracula.
The Wolfman says, "I will have a -- "


"I don't like this joke!  And I don't want to share a blog with Dracula and The Wolfman."

Okay, Frankenstein, I'll make this your blog.  What would you like me to say?

"Well, the first thing is that my name is not Frankenstein."

But that is what everyone calls you.

"I know, and they are wrong.  Frankenstein is the surname of  Doctor Victor Frankenstein.  He created me.  I was known as Frankenstein's Monster.  It got shortened to Frankenstein, but my name is Gaylord."

Gaylord?

"Yes, Gaylord.  You got a problem with that?"

Uh-er-no-er Gaylord.

"Good."

How did you get the name Gaylord?

"As you know, I was made from various body parts.  My arms came from Rupert.  My legs came from Archibald.  My head came from Poindexter.  And my torso, with my heart, came from Gaylord.  I liked the name Gaylord the best."

That's interesting, Gaylord.  Is there anything else about yourself you want to tell us?

"Yes.  I enjoy long walks along the graveyard.  I also enjoy sticking my fingers in electrical sockets."

Are you looking for a mate?

"Yes I am.  That's one of the reasons I did not want to be in the joke with Dracula and The Wolfman.  I don't like hanging out with them because they scare people away.  How can I meet anyone if Dracula and The Wolfman scare people away?"

I guess you can't.

"Thanks for making this blog about me.  I have to go.  I have an appointment with my shrink.  She's helping me to get over my get over my fear of fire.  She's also helping me to be at one with my body parts."

One quick question before you go.  What drink would you have ordered in the bar if you had not stepped out of the joke?

"I would have ordered a Direct Current."

FASCINATING FACTS

Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman have never filed income tax returns.

Emo Rubik, the inventor of Rubik's Cube, loves to square dance.

Illness is the number one cause of sickness.

Jellyfish do not like Jello.   (Perhaps that is because they don't have brains.)

Dinosaurs do not make good astronauts.

Online computer problems often mean short blogs.  

IF . . .

If you are not reading this, then what are you doing?

If cows could fly, then cars would take longer to go through  a car wash.

If men got pregnant, then steps would be taken to ensure that pregnancies were painless and lasted an hour.

If I ruled the world, then each day would be another day of the week.

If today was not April First, then it would be another day.  It might even be another day than the another day mentioned in the sentence above.

If I could fly, then cars would take longer to go through a car wash.

If Frankenstein would groom himself better, then he would get more dates.

If I could be anything, then I would be a kumquat just to be different.   (Either that or a kayak.)

If cats could talk, then they could tell us why they have never said anything before.

If John Donne was deaf, then he would not have heard any bells and told us for whom these bells toll.

If . . .  

If there was no word if, then . . .  uh . . . 

THE ANIT-CHRIST, ADAM & EVE, THE DEVIL AND A CHICKEN, ETC.