WHAT THEIR HOROSCOPE SAID

Abraham Lincoln on April 14, 1865:

Expect the unexpected.  Things may end for you sooner than you think.



Thomas Edison on the day he invented the light bulb:

It's a favorable time for new ideas.  The moon is in the outhouse.  Don't give up.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.



Julius Caesar March 15, 44 BC:

Others will show you what they think.  Don't take it personally. 



John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963:

You are popular.  Smile, and kiss your ass goodbye.



The Titanic on April 15, 1912:

An unexpected introduction leaves you with that sinking feeling.  Relax.  You're about to go down in history.


Jesus sometime in 33 AD:

Don't worry if people try to nail you.  Soon you will rise above it.



The Wolf Man once a month:

The full moon marks the start of a period when you show off.  Enjoy yourself, but keep away from silver bullets.



Funny Bone Technician on November 3, 2016:

Don't get carried away.  Know when to stop. Leave your audience wanting more.

WONDERING ABOUT GOOD NEWS, NEWSPAPERS, MODERN ART, AND OTHER STUFF

If there is a Good News Church, then there must be a Bad News Church.  Are all not welcome at the Bad News Church?  What goes on at the Bad News Church?  Do they sit around reading newspapers and watching television news?  What happens if they come across a good-news story?  Do they ban it?  What day of the week does the Bad News Church have its service?  Monday?

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Why don't people ever take the newspaper from the top of the pile?  If it isn't damaged, then is it contaminated in some way?  People will take newspapers from the middle or several below the top, but rarely from the top?  Why?

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"Farbtafel" by Paul Klee

How old does Modern Art have to be before it is no longer modern?

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When will New York become Old York?

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Does anything ever shock Frankenstein?

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Is blood breath better than bad breath?

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Does the Wolfman have to get an estimate from three barbers before an insurance company pays for his haircut? 

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HONORING DRACULA ON DECEMBER SECOND

Tuesday December 2, 2014, is Dracula Day.  Why?  Just for the hell of it.  No other reason.  December Second has no connection to Dracula or vampires.  So, whether or not December Second sucks, Dracula, this day is for you -- actually only after sunset.


Dracula walks into a bar and the bartender says,"I know, I know, you want a Bloody Mary."
"No," says Dracula, "I'll have a glass of water, please."
"Water?  Water?" says the bartender.  "Since when did you start drinking water?"
Dracula replies, "Ever since Frankenstein caught Ebola from The Wolfman." 


"Hello Mr. Dracula?  Yes, this is your bank manager calling.  I am calling to let you know that your bank account is still in the red . . ."

Q:  Why did Dracula cross the road?

A:  To take his clothes to the cleaners.

  

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE SAID IT BEST . . .

William Shakespeare said it best, "It's fucking cold outside!"

 

William Shakespeare also said, "Who the hell wrote my plays?"

The last words of Socrates? "Hey!  I asked for Kool-Aid.  This isn't Kool-Aid." 


Walt Disney said this?  "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." (Google this quote if you doubt me)  



"This play is boring.  Something better happen soon or else I'm leaving."
                                    - Abraham Lincoln


"I have nothing to offer but blood, sweat and tears.  I haven't got Ebola so everyone should be okay."
                                  - Winston Churhill 
 "Can I have one of the three?"
                       - Dracula to Winston


 "I'm spending waay too much money on razors!"
                           - The Wolfman


"The End is near!"
              - A Flea on a Dog's Tail

GAYLORD

Frankenstein, Dracula and The Wolfman walk into a bar.
"What will it be?"  asks the bartender.
"I'll have a Bloody Mary," says Dracula.
The Wolfman says, "I will have a -- "


"I don't like this joke!  And I don't want to share a blog with Dracula and The Wolfman."

Okay, Frankenstein, I'll make this your blog.  What would you like me to say?

"Well, the first thing is that my name is not Frankenstein."

But that is what everyone calls you.

"I know, and they are wrong.  Frankenstein is the surname of  Doctor Victor Frankenstein.  He created me.  I was known as Frankenstein's Monster.  It got shortened to Frankenstein, but my name is Gaylord."

Gaylord?

"Yes, Gaylord.  You got a problem with that?"

Uh-er-no-er Gaylord.

"Good."

How did you get the name Gaylord?

"As you know, I was made from various body parts.  My arms came from Rupert.  My legs came from Archibald.  My head came from Poindexter.  And my torso, with my heart, came from Gaylord.  I liked the name Gaylord the best."

That's interesting, Gaylord.  Is there anything else about yourself you want to tell us?

"Yes.  I enjoy long walks along the graveyard.  I also enjoy sticking my fingers in electrical sockets."

Are you looking for a mate?

"Yes I am.  That's one of the reasons I did not want to be in the joke with Dracula and The Wolfman.  I don't like hanging out with them because they scare people away.  How can I meet anyone if Dracula and The Wolfman scare people away?"

I guess you can't.

"Thanks for making this blog about me.  I have to go.  I have an appointment with my shrink.  She's helping me to get over my get over my fear of fire.  She's also helping me to be at one with my body parts."

One quick question before you go.  What drink would you have ordered in the bar if you had not stepped out of the joke?

"I would have ordered a Direct Current."

WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is blind?  How did it go blind?  Improper diet?   Macular degeneration?  Masturbation?

God is Love, but you would never know it looking at organized religion.

  

You know you're in love when you don't mind your lover barfing on you.

 
True love?  How can it be anything else?  If love isn't true, then it isn't love. 

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have set the time on a melting clock.    
                                                 - Salvador Dali 

MORE PICTURES NOT AT AN EXHIBITION

 

                                                                                                  

                                                                        

"Hey! Keep the noise down up there! I can't concentrate to scare people."