WHAT THEIR HOROSCOPE SAID

Abraham Lincoln on April 14, 1865:

Expect the unexpected.  Things may end for you sooner than you think.



Thomas Edison on the day he invented the light bulb:

It's a favorable time for new ideas.  The moon is in the outhouse.  Don't give up.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.



Julius Caesar March 15, 44 BC:

Others will show you what they think.  Don't take it personally. 



John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963:

You are popular.  Smile, and kiss your ass goodbye.



The Titanic on April 15, 1912:

An unexpected introduction leaves you with that sinking feeling.  Relax.  You're about to go down in history.


Jesus sometime in 33 AD:

Don't worry if people try to nail you.  Soon you will rise above it.



The Wolf Man once a month:

The full moon marks the start of a period when you show off.  Enjoy yourself, but keep away from silver bullets.



Funny Bone Technician on November 3, 2016:

Don't get carried away.  Know when to stop. Leave your audience wanting more.

UNKNOWN FACTS ABOUT SIGMUND FREUD

Sigmund Freud (May 6, 1856 - September 23, 1939)

Sigmund Freud was born Tuesday May 6, 1856.  His mother wanted to call him Oedipus, but Sigmund was easier to spell.

Unknown facts about Sigmund Freud?

- Freud felt that the Id, Ego, and Superego are okay as long as they belong to the same penis.

- Unconscious was the name Freud gave to the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.

- Freud's association with the treatment of mental illness started when he diagnosed Analysis, his Greek patient, as a psycho.

- Freud was the first to discover that water on the brain was wet.

- Freud hated history.  He studied hysteria when he discovered that it was not the plural of history.

- Freud suffered from penis envy which he inherited from his father.

- Freud was first to coin the term cold shoulder when he discovered that ice cubes did not melt on some patients' where their arms joined their bodies.

- Freud once dreamt that unknown facts about him would appear in a blog 160 years after his birth.  He dismissed the dream as nonsense.

A LITTLE TITANIC HUMOR 104 YEARS LATER

On Sunday April 14, 1912, at 11:40 p.m., the Titanic struck an iceberg.  The Titanic finally sunk, lower than the Canadian dollar, at 2:20 a.m. on Monday April 15, 1912.


The Titanic walks into a bar and the the bartender asks, "What will it be?"
The Titanic says, "I don't care as long as it's nice with no ice, please."


Q:  How many Titanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  One, but first you have to raise it from the bottom of the ocean.


Did the Titanic band finish playing "Nearer My God to Thee" before they were nearer to God than we?


Q:  Why did the Titanic cross the sea?
A:  It didn't.


THE TRUTH REVEALED!  TITANIC FAKED ITS DEATH AND IS CURRENTLY LIVING (UNDER AN ASSUMED NAME) SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH AMERICA WITH ELVIS PRESLEY AND ADOLPH HITLER!
(You read it here first.) 

"Honey, I don't think that this is what they meant when they said that you should try to be more like Jesus."

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM THE RUSTY FILE CABINET IN THE DUSTY ATTIC OF MY MUSTY MIND . . .

To ensure its passengers had a safe weekend, the Titanic waited until early Monday morning to sink.

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A Father knows best when he keeps his mouth shut and listens to Mother.

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What you won't see with a promotional ad selling Internet connections:
  SIGN UP WITH US AND WE'LL GIVE YOU FREE AGGRAVATION AND FREE BAD SERVICE!

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I wish garbage cans came with instructions.

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Advocacy Groups:    

                             - Golf Clubs Against Hard Balls

                             - Wrinkles Against Irons

                             - Tumors Against Cures for Cancer   

                             - Advocacy Group Against Silly Advocacy Groups

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Do fish use moisturizers?

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Do sleeping bags ever suffer from insomnia?

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DOG SURVIVES  VICIOUS ATTACK BY PACK OF CHILDREN!

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I used to be a metronome, but I got ticked off and quit.

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Would the Titanic have sunk if the iceberg had stopped for the stop sign?

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Each time I stop at a stop sign, I give thanks that there are no such things as invisible cars.