I Hate . . .

I hate pictures of cabins near a river and mountains. I'm not sure why, but I think it's because I hate pictures of cabins near a river and mountains.  




I hate boobs.  You know, the ones working for the government.


I hate golf.  How silly to whack little white balls all over the countryside.


I hate watching other people whack little white balls all over the countryside.


I hate History.  How tiresome to hear History say the same thing over and over again.


I hate parents who kill their children.  (This doesn't include God who drowned all his children except for Noah.)


I hate toilets when they show up at social functions.


I hate paper.  I don't know why, but suspect paper is connected to pictures of cabins near a river and mountains.


I hate dreams that do not come true.


I hate time, but not all the time.


I hate private detectives investigating my privates.


I hate blogs about hate.


And, finally, I hate running out of things to hate.

STUPID JOKES WITH NUMBERS

Number 7 walks into a bar.
"What will it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a Number 3, please."
The bartender brings Number 7 a Number 3.  Number 7 drinks it, pays and leaves as Number 10.


"I haven't paid taxes in years," says Number 9.
"How do you manage that?" asks 15 percent.
"Whenever the tax people come looking for me, I stand on my head.  They think I'm Number 6 and leave."


Number 8 was laughing and laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks Number 6.
"Look at Number 13,"  says Number 8.  "It's an odd number with a double-bubble belly!"


Poor Number 4!  He can't figure out why golfers keep calling him.


Q:  Why did Number 3 cross the road?
A:  It thought it was a chicken.


Q:  Why did Number 2 cross the road?
A:  To get to a toilet on the other side.


Q:  Why did Number 1 cross the road?
A:  It was bored and decided to follow 2 and 3.

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Two."

"Two who?"

"How nice you're glad I'm here.  Where's the toilet?"

The E--

"Hey Mr. Funny Bone Technician!  Don't end yet.  How about a joke about me, Number 5?  You got jokes for every other number, in this blog, except me.  You must be fair and put me a joke."

"Sorry, Number 5, but nothing comes to mind."

"Nothing comes to mind?  It's not fair!  It's not fair!" shouts Number 5 and storms off.

Number 5 walks into a bar.

"Why do depressed?" asks the bartender.

"That Funny Bone guy put all the other numbers in a joke, in his blog, except me."

"Sorry to hear that," says the bartender.  "What can I get you?"

"Can you bring me a joke, please?"

"Sure, no problem," says the bartender.

The bartender makes Number 5 a joke.  Number 5 drinks it, pays, and leaves laughing. 

SEVEN AND A HALF JOKES ABOUT SPORTS

1 - Think of the lives that would be saved if the leaders of warring countries played tennis.  No soldiers.  No battlefield.  No deaths.  Just two leaders battling it out on a tennis court.  If this did happen, then the military-industrial complex would have to find another racket.

2 - A basketball bounces into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

The basketball says, "I need something to calm me down."

"Why is that?" asks the bartender.

"Before this joke," says the basketball, "I couldn't hear or speak.  What a shock Gary Johnston's imagination has been to my system!"

3 - Q:  What do you get when you cross golf with synchronized swimming?

      A: Eighteen holes, and some grass in your swimming pool.

4 - In soccer they kick a ball.  What do they kick in sockhim?  An ovary?

5 - Will baseball bats ever go on strike?

6 -  Q: What do you get when you cross hockey with mud wrestling?

      A:  I puckin' mess. 

7 -  Q:  What did one boxer say to another boxer?

      A:  "Woof!  Woof!"

1/2 - Q:  How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

         A:  

ALMOST ALL ABOUT MOLECULES

A refresher for those who were not paying attention in Geography class:  A molecule is a group of two or more atoms making up the smallest unit of a substance retaining the chemical and physical properties of cheese--or something like that. 

There must be times when molecules feel down and are incapable of chemical reactions.  It is at these times that we must provide support to molecules to give them the fundamental skills to succeed.  (I have no idea how to do this.)

Molecules stay away from basketball because they fear that they are too short.  If we teach molecules basketball skills, then they will lose their fear and see that size does not matter.

When was the last time a molecule won a golf tournament?  When was the last time a molecule played hockey, baseball or dizzy goop?  (I have no idea what dizzy goop is because I just made it up, but that should not stop molecules from playing it.)  Again we must teach molecules sports skills to give them the confidence to play.

Why stop at sports?  Why not encourage molecules to become CEO's of companies, and run for office.  Perhaps the world would be a better place if it was run by molecules.

(Hope you're not cheesed off  I could not write a stronger ending.) 

MY SHORT ATTENTION SP-

I don't know why my attention span is short.   I am six feet tall and do not like watching golf.  I live near some electrical equipment.  They say some people are sensitive to electrical energy.  I believe I am in line for a promotion at work.  I passed all the promotional exams including the anal probe performed by the aliens during a staff meeting.  The anal probe affected my brain and this is the cause for all the rain.

But rain is good.  It makes things grow -- especially in my closet where no monsters live.  Monsters used to live in my closet when I was younger, but they moved out as I aged the cheese I made.  Homemade cheese tastes better than the potatoes I bought at the gas station.

And what about those gas prices?  They are higher than the flying saucer the aliens brought to the staff meeting.  The aliens promised me a promotion at work if I did not talk about people sensitive to electrical cheese aged in monsters who live in closets.

So that is why my attention span is -- Look!  It's the end of my blog!

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM THE RUSTY FILE CABINET IN THE DUSTY ATTIC OF MY MUSTY MIND . . .

To ensure its passengers had a safe weekend, the Titanic waited until early Monday morning to sink.

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A Father knows best when he keeps his mouth shut and listens to Mother.

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What you won't see with a promotional ad selling Internet connections:
  SIGN UP WITH US AND WE'LL GIVE YOU FREE AGGRAVATION AND FREE BAD SERVICE!

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I wish garbage cans came with instructions.

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Advocacy Groups:    

                             - Golf Clubs Against Hard Balls

                             - Wrinkles Against Irons

                             - Tumors Against Cures for Cancer   

                             - Advocacy Group Against Silly Advocacy Groups

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Do fish use moisturizers?

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Do sleeping bags ever suffer from insomnia?

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DOG SURVIVES  VICIOUS ATTACK BY PACK OF CHILDREN!

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I used to be a metronome, but I got ticked off and quit.

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Would the Titanic have sunk if the iceberg had stopped for the stop sign?

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Each time I stop at a stop sign, I give thanks that there are no such things as invisible cars.