THE LIGHTER SIDE OF ROSWELL

 

QUOTES NEVER SAID . . .

"I want to end the world, but there's no point.  Humans are so distracted with their smartphones, texting and Internet that they'd never notice."

                                          - God

"How wonderful!  I get credit for the evil people do, and they think it's me!"

                                                                                                   - Satan

"I hope humans and their innards are around forever."

                                       - Cancer

"Is that a person, or is it only the sunlight reflecting off shiny flies?"

                                - A Flying Saucer 

"I have waaay too much money.  I wish I had less."

                      - A Single Mother of Six 

"What?  What did you say?"

                          - Vincent Van Gogh 

"Gosh, it doesn't take much to get them all worked up."

                            - Donald Trump 

 

                               - Porky Pig

SOME CLASSIFIED ADS YOU WILL ONLY SEE HERE . . .

FOR SALE - One broken sewing machine.  Great for not making repairs to clothing.  Also makes a great paperweight.  Call Isaac Singer at . . . 


FOR SALE - Fallen snow.  Buy it before it melts!  Call Frosty at . . . 

FOR SALE - Used flying saucer.  Low light-years.  Great condition.  Used for abductions, anal probes and baking moon-crater cupcakes.  Asking 1 million dollars, or best offer.  Call Zork telepathically when the Moon is in the Seventh House.

FOR SALE - Killer Zombies.  Great for getting rid of bad neighbors.  Price - A pound of flesh or some brains.  Call Igor after midnight at . . .

FOR SALE - Armageddon.  Brand New!  Never used.  Great alternative when you need a Mental Health Day from work and do not want to use up your sick time.  Priceless, but no reasonable offer refused.  Call Antichrist at 666 666 6666.

SNIPPETS OF CONVERSATIONS FROM FLYING SAUCERS . . .

 

FLYING SAUCERS AND A SQUIRREL

ARE YOU SURE . . .

As a result of the frequent alien visits, The Smiths had cheaper electricity bills.

MY SHORT ATTENTION SP-

I don't know why my attention span is short.   I am six feet tall and do not like watching golf.  I live near some electrical equipment.  They say some people are sensitive to electrical energy.  I believe I am in line for a promotion at work.  I passed all the promotional exams including the anal probe performed by the aliens during a staff meeting.  The anal probe affected my brain and this is the cause for all the rain.

But rain is good.  It makes things grow -- especially in my closet where no monsters live.  Monsters used to live in my closet when I was younger, but they moved out as I aged the cheese I made.  Homemade cheese tastes better than the potatoes I bought at the gas station.

And what about those gas prices?  They are higher than the flying saucer the aliens brought to the staff meeting.  The aliens promised me a promotion at work if I did not talk about people sensitive to electrical cheese aged in monsters who live in closets.

So that is why my attention span is -- Look!  It's the end of my blog!

"Hey guys. Wouldn't it be simpler if we just went to McDonald's?"

"Are you sure your dentist's new method will whiten our teeth?"

(I think I'll go out for a stroll, check out the neighborhood, and see whether there's a Starbucks nearby.)

"What! We came all this way and NOW you tell me you forgot the anal probe?"