"Did You Have A Nice . . . ?"

When you travel anywhere, someone will always ask, "Did you have a nice trip?"  This does not happen when you travel by public transit in Toronto (TTC).  Travel anywhere via TTC, and someone will ask, 

"Did you have a nice delay?"

"Yes, it was wonderful!  We sat in a subway tunnel for 17 minutes.  The packed subway allowed us to feel really close to each other.  We enjoyed hearing the TTC announcer repeat, a gazillion times, how sorry the TTC was for any inconvenience the delay may cause."

Not All About Crowded Buses

BREAKING NEWS:   ALL OF EARTH'S 7 BILLION POPULATION IS IN TORONTO TAKING PUBLIC TRANSIT!



"Where can you find a crowded bus?"
"Where?"
"Anywhere in Toronto."


"Why did the crowded bus cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To get to a bus stop."


"What does a crowded bus do when it gets to a bus stop?"
"I dunno."
"It picks up more people."


"What do more people do on a crowded bus?"
"What?"
"Make it more crowded."


"What is one of the greatest mysteries of life?"
"What?"
"Trying to figure out who on a crowded bus farted."


"How many crowded buses does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"None, but on board will be an electrical engineer, or someone with a Ph.D. in physics, who will know how to do it."

"What's the difference between a crowded bus and a crowded elevator?"
"I dunno."
"Really?  Obviously, there's been some gaps in your education."


"What did the crowded bus driver say to the truck driver with a truckload of sheep?"
"What?"
"He said, 'You and I are in the same business.' "

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Crowded bus looking to."

"Crowded bus looking to who?"

"Crowded bus looking to make a delivery to The People's Grill, a restaurant for cannibals."

"Didn't you hear?"

"What?"

The authorities closed down The People's Grill."

"Why?"

"Because it's against the law to eat people."

A crowded bus went into a bar . . .  
What a mess!

ATTENTION TTC CUSTOMERS

ATTENTION TTC CUSTOMERS:

We are currently experiencing delays everywhere.
We apologize for the inconvenience, but we are not sincere.  Individually, none of us is sorry or really cares.

THANK YOU FOR USING THE TTC.*

*Toronto Transit Commission

Reasons For Toronto Public Transit Delays

Everyday Toronto's public transit system gets delayed.  Here are some reasons:

- Union rules call for at least one delay per day.

- It's a secret, but trees take public transit.  Their roots often get stuck in the subway tracks.

- Transit workers stage mini strikes for various reasons.

-  All vehicles get two 15 minute breaks and a half hour for lunch.

-  A dog ate the vehicle schedules.

-  Delays are Donald Trump's fault.  Why not?  He gets blamed for everything else.

-  Giant rats have taken over the subway tunnels.

-  Delays are part of a Russian plot to fix U.S. elections. (What is the connection between Toronto's public transit and U.S. elections?  We don't know, but the FBI is investigating.)

-  Delays are done on purpose.  Every day, Toronto's public transit asks, "How many people can we make late today?"

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

"What does this picture have to do with questions and answers?"
"Who knows?"


"Will public transit have delays in the afterlife?"
"Probably.  Things take an eternity  over there."


"Is it possible to find a higher love?"
"Yes, with a willing partner you can find it on an airplane."


"Are women equal to men?"
"No, women are superior."  


"What are human beings?"
"Everything, including Earth, can get incurable diseases."


"What's the difference between natural health and health?"
"Natural health is natural."


"Why?"
"Because."


"Are flying saucers real?"
"Ask anyone in a stormy marriage."



"When will it all end?"
"Now." 

SNIPPETS OF CONVERSATIONS FROM FLYING SAUCERS . . .

 

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