THE ALIENS LIED . . .

The aliens lied to me.  They said that the anal probe would not interfere with my memory.  Some days I forget where I am going, and how to put on my underwear.

This morning I went into the bathroom and locked the door.  I forgot why I was there.  My bladder soon reminded me.

The other day I was talking to a friend.  Don't ask me what we were talking about.  Suddenly I shouted, "There are 366 days in a Jump Year!"  What does this have to do with bananas?

I hope my memory recovers soon.  I want to buy some gas for the car, I don't own, so I can drive to China and visit all the tea.  (Maybe I might buy some underwear.) 

SOMEWHERE FAR ABOVE THE EARTH . . .

"Human," said the Zogar, "we have conducted all manner of tests to discover where you get your ideas and we are at a loss.  Can you tell us?"

"I belong to the Association for the Advancement of Nothing (AAN)," said the human.  "Every month they mail me their newsletter which is full of ideas."

"Where is this Association for the Advancement of Nothing?" asked Zogar.

"It's in Void City, Nowhere."

"Can anyone join?"

"I guess you would think that since I am a member," said the human.  "AAN is selective about its membership."

"How can I join?" asked Zogar.

"Send proof to AAN on how you have advanced nothing.  They will let you know whether you qualify for membership."

"Thanks," said Zogar, "you're free to go.  If you follow me, then I will take you to the beam-down room."

"Okay, but before I go," said the human, "I have a question."

"Ask," said Zogar.

"Did your anal probe make my ass look big?"

"We will return Gary as soon as we discover where he gets his ideas. An anal probe did not give us the answer, and further research is needed."

FUN WITH ALIENS

An alien walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

The alien says, "Nothing for me, but you're about to have an anal probe."

Q:  Why did the alien cross the road?

A:  To abduct a chicken.

An alien walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it--wait a minute.  Didn't I see you at the beginning of this blog?"

The alien says, "Yes."

The bartender says, "I remember that you came in here and that you did not order anything.  I don't remember what happened after that."

 

ARE YOU SURE . . .

MY SHORT ATTENTION SP-

I don't know why my attention span is short.   I am six feet tall and do not like watching golf.  I live near some electrical equipment.  They say some people are sensitive to electrical energy.  I believe I am in line for a promotion at work.  I passed all the promotional exams including the anal probe performed by the aliens during a staff meeting.  The anal probe affected my brain and this is the cause for all the rain.

But rain is good.  It makes things grow -- especially in my closet where no monsters live.  Monsters used to live in my closet when I was younger, but they moved out as I aged the cheese I made.  Homemade cheese tastes better than the potatoes I bought at the gas station.

And what about those gas prices?  They are higher than the flying saucer the aliens brought to the staff meeting.  The aliens promised me a promotion at work if I did not talk about people sensitive to electrical cheese aged in monsters who live in closets.

So that is why my attention span is -- Look!  It's the end of my blog!

"What! We came all this way and NOW you tell me you forgot the anal probe?"