SOME CLASSIFIED ADS YOU WILL ONLY SEE HERE . . .

FOR SALE - One broken sewing machine.  Great for not making repairs to clothing.  Also makes a great paperweight.  Call Isaac Singer at . . . 


FOR SALE - Fallen snow.  Buy it before it melts!  Call Frosty at . . . 

FOR SALE - Used flying saucer.  Low light-years.  Great condition.  Used for abductions, anal probes and baking moon-crater cupcakes.  Asking 1 million dollars, or best offer.  Call Zork telepathically when the Moon is in the Seventh House.

FOR SALE - Killer Zombies.  Great for getting rid of bad neighbors.  Price - A pound of flesh or some brains.  Call Igor after midnight at . . .

FOR SALE - Armageddon.  Brand New!  Never used.  Great alternative when you need a Mental Health Day from work and do not want to use up your sick time.  Priceless, but no reasonable offer refused.  Call Antichrist at 666 666 6666.