I DON'T BELIEVE IN FLYING SAUCERS

WHAT DO I KNOW?

What do I know about restaurants?  I always thought that Dairy Queen was a cross-dressing milk farmer.

 I always thought that McDonald's was the home of E, I, E, I, and O.

 I always thought that Starbucks was money from space.


What do I know about books?  I always thought that a library was a place for lies.

I always thought that Nancy Drew was something Nancy did.

I always thought that Shakespeare was an activity for angry savages.


What do I know about exercise?  I always thought that pushups and situps were divisions of U.P.S.

I always thought that yoga was the yellow part of of egg.

I always thought that jogging had something to do with cutting down trees.


What do I know? 

(I think I'll go out for a stroll, check out the neighborhood, and see whether there's a Starbucks nearby.)

AT YOUR SERVICE . . .

What services do I provide?  Many.  Here are some of them:

• To the letters of the alphabet, I provide words.
• To ideas, I provide expression.
• To my Facebook friends, I provide a Wall to write on.
• To my kids and family, I provide embarrassment.
• To my ex-wife, I provide someone to blame.
• To the group Termites Against Steel, I provide my support.
• To the public, I provide someone to judge and feel superior to.
• To the environment, I provide carbon dioxide and other environmentally-friendly stuff.
• To the government,  I reluctantly provide money.
• To various sane and insane voices,  I provide the space inside my head.
• To homeless viruses, germs and diseases,  I provide temporary shelter. 

 And to my fellow human beings, I provide laughter as we trudge towards Eternity where McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmart wait to welcome us.