A CONVERSATION WITH THE LETTER T

Does the letter T drink tea?

"Would you like a cup of tea?" asks the host.

"A cup of me?" says T.

"No not a cup of thee, a cup of tea."

"Ohhhhh tea.  No thank you.  Tea makes me P, and P gets pissed off thinking that I am raining on its parade."

"Have you always been a T?"

"No, I started out as a cross," replies T, "and changed into a T when I became an atheist.  Now if you will excuse me, my alphabet needs me."

RECYCLED STUFF TO FILL THE SPACE WHILE I SEEK MY DEEPER MOTIVES

STUDIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED (Perhaps They Did, But Not In This Dimension)

Study finds that junk food strengthens your cast-iron stomach.

Studies show that seniors are older than most people.

A study proved, beyond all doubt, that over-cooking food may cause it to burn.

Studies show that sex is only heavy breathing combined with pelvic thrusts and the exchange of gooey bodily fluids.

A study showed that people are likely to bump into things if they walk around with their eyes closed.

(What people may see when their eyes are closed.)

 

A study showed that people who volunteer for studies are called volunteers.

Studies show that monkeys do not believe in evolution.  (It is hard to tell what monkeys believe because they do not say much.)

Studies found that most garbage smells.

A study, paid for by Calvin Klein, found that T Shirts do not come from the alphabet.   

A study, conducted by The Riddletee Research Group, found that playing on the Internet may lead to silly blogs. 

AT YOUR SERVICE . . .

What services do I provide?  Many.  Here are some of them:

• To the letters of the alphabet, I provide words.
• To ideas, I provide expression.
• To my Facebook friends, I provide a Wall to write on.
• To my kids and family, I provide embarrassment.
• To my ex-wife, I provide someone to blame.
• To the group Termites Against Steel, I provide my support.
• To the public, I provide someone to judge and feel superior to.
• To the environment, I provide carbon dioxide and other environmentally-friendly stuff.
• To the government,  I reluctantly provide money.
• To various sane and insane voices,  I provide the space inside my head.
• To homeless viruses, germs and diseases,  I provide temporary shelter. 

 And to my fellow human beings, I provide laughter as we trudge towards Eternity where McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmart wait to welcome us.