THINGS SAID THAT WILL KILL LOVE

"I love the long hair on your arms!"


"Gosh, you have such lovely eyeballs."


 "You, Beloved, are my one and only -- that is, when I'm with you."


"You take my breath away.  When was the last time you had a bath?"


"You are my love!  You are my inspiration!  You are my one and only pain in the ass."

"Please?  I only want you to touch it a bit."

"I cherish you!  I adore you!   Can you bring me another beer?"   

"I'm looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together -- except when we have to go to the bathroom."

"I love you, Emily."

"My name's Elizabeth!"

"Uh-er-uh-your name doesn't matter.  I love YOU!"

STUDIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED (Perhaps They Did, But Not In This Dimension)

Study finds that junk food strengthens your cast-iron stomach.

Studies show that seniors are older than most people.

A study proved, beyond all doubt, that over-cooking food may cause it to burn.

Studies show that sex is only heavy breathing combined with pelvic thrusts and the exchange of gooey bodily fluids.

A study showed that people are likely to bump into things if they walk around with their eyes closed.

(What people may see when their eyes are closed.)

 

A study showed that people who volunteer for studies are called volunteers.

Studies show that monkeys do not believe in evolution.  (It is hard to tell what monkeys believe because they do not say much.)

Studies found that most garbage smells.

A study, paid for by Calvin Klein, found that T Shirts do not come from the alphabet.   

A study, conducted by The Riddletee Research Group, found that playing on the Internet may lead to silly blogs. 

UNSUCCESSFUL PICK-UP LINES

"You have such lovely eye balls."
 
"Hey sweetie, can I pick your nose?" 

"Would you like to come back to my place and look at my rash?"

"I love how your ear lobes hold your earrings."

"I have a gut feeling that we were meant to be together --  
  particularly in my bowels. 

"I would love to soak our dentures in the same glass!"

 "I love the way you sneeze on me."

"How quickly do you think I can memorize your telephone
  number?"

"Would you like to run barefoot through the park with me?  We 
  could watch the doggy caca ooze through our toes."

THINGS HAVE EYES ON TOP

"How's it going?"  I asked,
"Things have eyes on top,"  he replied.
In other words, things are looking up.

THIS HOUSE

The front door is this house's mouth.

The windows are its eyes.

When it opens its mouth this house says, "People!"

Is this house very wise?