THINGS SAID THAT WILL KILL LOVE

"I love the long hair on your arms!"


"Gosh, you have such lovely eyeballs."


 "You, Beloved, are my one and only -- that is, when I'm with you."


"You take my breath away.  When was the last time you had a bath?"


"You are my love!  You are my inspiration!  You are my one and only pain in the ass."

"Please?  I only want you to touch it a bit."

"I cherish you!  I adore you!   Can you bring me another beer?"   

"I'm looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together -- except when we have to go to the bathroom."

"I love you, Emily."

"My name's Elizabeth!"

"Uh-er-uh-your name doesn't matter.  I love YOU!"

NEVER NURSES (An Anagram For "Seven Reruns")

ADVICE

 As a leading expert on nothing in particular, I can give advice on anything:

        Always store your breast milk at tit temperature.

        Never meditate while holding a loaded gun. 

        Don't judge a judge -- especially when you are in his or her court.

        Change your underwear once a year.

        Believe everything you read and hear.

        It's okay to fear fear.

        Have fun finding rhymes with dear.

        Love yourself, but watch out for sexually transmitted diseases.

      

       Have fun pretending that you are pretending that you are pretending to have fun.   

       Always tell the truth -- except when you have to lie.

       Never attend a dinner party for cannibals.

ST. VALENTINE'S DAY

I WISH SOMEONE WOULD READ THIS

 

"I thought you said that you were going to listen to my heart." .............................................................................................. "I can't find my stethoscope."