Bits Of Conversations From Valentine's Day

"I love you, honey."
"Oh yeah?  Well prove it by always putting the toilet seat down."


"Oh, you're so beautiful!  I don't deserve you."
"I know."


"Honey, I love you so much I will do anything for you."
"Anything?"
"Well--er--uh almost anything."


"I loved you yesterday and I love you still, but I'm not sure about tomorrow."


"Can you tell me why you love me?"
"Yes, because you always ask me questions."


"Coming back from space, on Valentine's Day, has made me realize one thing."
"What's that?"
"You're the only black hole for me!"


"You light up my life!"
"Why thank you, sweetheart.  Will you promise never to unplug me?"


"Our love grows bigger and bigger with each passing day."
"What?  Does it have a weight problem?"


"Without you, I'm nothing."
"That's not true.  You're still nothing."


"Our love will never end."
"You're right.  Like you, it goes on and on."

Valenhog's Day

Groundhog Day and Valentine's Day are only 12 days apart.  Why not save time and space by celebrating them together?  Think of the weight women would not gain if their partners gave shadows instead of chocolates.

I once dated a groundhog.  We met online.  For Valentine's Day, I gave her a bouquet of carrots. She was so excited she dug a thousand holes!

Our relationship ended suddenly during a trip to the country.  A farmer shouted, "Pest!" and shot her.

And on the subject of shooting, what's with Cupid? He should have been arrested years ago. How come he gets away with shooting arrows into people's hearts?  Shouldn't the police charge him with wounding or attempted murder?

We can call Groundhog Day and Valentine's Day 
Valenhog's Day.

What happens on Valenhog's Day?  If a heart sees its shadow, then we will have 6 more weeks of 42 days. If a heart does not see its shadow, then we will have 42 days of 6 more weeks.

MEN'S EXCUSES FOR NOT BUYING FLOWERS ON VALENTINE'S DAY

"Honey, you know how I feel about the environment.  Well, picking flowers is like cutting down trees."

 ***

"But I got you flowers last year and they died."

***

 "I bought you a bouquet of roses, honest, and the dog ate them."

***

 "I was going to get you flowers, but then I thought I better not in case you have hay fever."

***

"But I bought you flowers!  You should feel special because you're the only woman in the world to get invisible flowers." 

***

"I was going to get you flowers, but I used the money to buy a case of beer . . . C'mon Honey, when was the last time we did something romantic like drinking a case of beer together?"

***

 "I was going to get you flowers, but I wasn't sure which flowers matched your broom, cauldron and the wart on your nose."

***

"It's what?  Valentine's Day?  Oh yeah, it's always a week or so after the Super Bowl."

***

And finally there's the not-so-bright husband who told his wife,"I didn't forget to to buy you flowers.  I didn't have enough money after buying flowers for my girlfriend."

SEVEN THINGS GUYS SHOULD NOT SAY SEVEN DAYS BEFORE VALENTINE'S DAY

"Honey, would you like tickets to a basketball game instead of a bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day?"

***

"Hey Sweetheart, how about this year, for Valentine's Day, I get you a toolbox full of tools and chocolates?"

***

"I'm not buying you any chocolates this year for Valentine's Day.  You're already too fat.  I'll still get you roses since you can't eat them."

 ***

"Let's do something different this year for Valentine's Day.  Let's pretend that it does not exist and February 14 is just another day.  That way you won't feel bad if we have an argument."

***

"Some of the guys have a poker game planned for the fourteenth.  You didn't have anything planned, did you?"

***

"What are you telling me now for?  It's still a week away.  Remind me in seven days and we'll go out for pizza and beer."

***

"Look, I wanna know now so I don't waste my money.  Am I gonna get laid if I buy you a bouquet of red roses?"

ST. VALENTINE'S DAY