ON FLIES

"Why did the fly cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"It was in a pair of pants worn by a chicken."



 A fly walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
"I'll have a beer please," said the fly.
The bartender brings the fly a beer.  The fly takes one sip and spits it out.
"This beer tastes like shit!" said the fly.
"I know," said the bartender, "I thought you'd like it."

"I'm glad dogs care," said one fly to another.
"Really?  Why is that?" asked the other fly.
And the fly replied, "Because dogs give a shit."

 

A fly walked into a bar.  The bartender swatted it  and that was it.

ON DOGS AND SNIFFING

Why do dogs have to sniff and sniff and sniff before they poop or pee?  How badly do they have to go?

Imagine you have to go badly.  You're bursting at the gut.  You're on the verge of going in your pants.  Finally!  Finally you find a washroom.  Are you going to sniff around and then say, "Nope.  I can't go here.  This place does not smell right."?

DOGS' THOUGHTS ON STOOPING AND SCOOPING

What do dogs think when they see humans stooping and scooping?  I asked 11 dogs and here is what they said.


"Gosh, my master has an interesting hobby!"


"My poor master!  Does he get enough to eat?" 


"What's my master going to do with that?  Make a weapon by using it with a fan?"


"Hmmm . . . Is there gold in my poop?  Perhaps I should start charging for it."


"What does my master do with it?  Sell it to politicians for their speeches?"


 "Is my master recycling my food?"


"My master has an interesting strategy for something."


"I know he loves me more than his wife.  I never see him doing this for her."


"Is my master a coprophiliac?"  


"How weird!  I'd report him if he wasn't so nice to me."

"Ha!  Look at her!  And she thinks that she is the master."

GLAD I'M NOT LIKE A DOG

I can't imagine being like a dog and having to sniff around before going to the bathroom.  They say that dogs sniff to find out what other dogs have been around, and then let these other dogs know "This is my territory," by peeing or pooping.  How badly do dogs have to pee or poop to spend so much time sniffing and looking for the right spot?

Okay, you have to go to the bathroom badly.  You're bursting at the gut.  You're encountering all kinds of obstacles in your quest to get to a bathroom.  You're on the verge of not making it.  You finally find a bathroom!  You're about to go!   Suddenly you sniff around and say, "Nope!  I can't go here.  This place doesn't smell right."    Still having to go badly -- real badly! -- you start another quest for another bathroom that smells right?  I don't think so!

Dogs sniff each other's butts to find out information about each other.  Two glands around a dog's anus emit a fluid that gives info about the dog's sex, how healthy the dog is, its diet and mood.
 
Sniffing someone's ass to find out stuff is never on my list of things to do.   If I were a dog, then I would simply approach another dog and say, "May I ask you a few questions rather than stick my nose up your ass?"

There must be a dog somewhere looking at us and wondering.  Perhaps this dog is thinking, "I can't imagine being a human and not sniffing other humans.  How do they find out things about each other?  And how hard it must be for them walking around on their hind legs all the time!"

I WISH SOMEONE WOULD READ THIS