SOME RULES NOT FOUND IN ETIQUETTE BOOKS WITH AN ANNOUNCEMENT

Try not to scream when cannibals are preparing and cooking you for their dinner.  People do not like loud noises before they eat.



Never talk while the cannibals are eating you.  It's impolite for you to talk while their mouths are full.



Never wrap gifts in sandpaper.



Do not pick your nose when being introduced to someone.  Wait until after you are introduced and then pick away.



Never be late for your funeral.  Be considerate of the people who have taken the time to come.



No texting during sex.



Having sex in public is okay as long as you're at an orgy.



It's okay to chew gum in church, but don't blow bubbles.



Never poop your pants unless you are wearing a diaper.




And the announcement . . . 

Mr. and Mrs. Invisible Man are pleased to announce the disappearance of their son Griffin.

 

BIRTHDAY GIFTS FOR ALBERT EINSTEIN

Albert Einstein was born Friday March 14,1879.  That makes him 137 years old.  In three more years he will be eligible to be a time warp.

What do you buy Albert for his birthday?


You could buy him an E, and he can emcee-square it if he wants.


Perhaps Albert could use a personality.  Everyone mentions his genius, but no one mentions his personality.


Albert might like a tape measure for his birthday.  That way he could see how long a beam of light takes to complete high school.


How about a gift card for a haircut.  No doubt Albert could use that.

 
Whatever you decide to buy Albert for his birthday, remember that he is 137 years old. Be patient because he may take a time warp to open your gift.