All About Cakes

A cake walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And the cake said, "I'll have some flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk, vegetable oil, butter and vanilla extract, please."
"But that is what you are made of."
"I know," said the cake, "I can't get enough of myself."


"Why did the cake cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To make me ask you a question."


"How many cakes does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I don't know."
"Four hundred."
"Four hundred?  Why so many?"
"Cakes are unskilled."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Cake."

"Cake who?"

"Pie."

"Pie?  That doesn't make sense."

"Don't you know that we cakes are unskilled and can't tell jokes?"

"Which cake sees the world the right way?"

"Which one?"

"Upside-down cake."

"I'm sorry," said the bartender, "but I don't have all those ingredients.  Would you like something else?"

"Yes," said the cake, "bring me some crumbs."

"Crumbs?" asked the bartender.

"Yes," said the cake, "crumbs.  I want to be crummy like this blog."

A CONVERSATION WITH BILL SHAKESPEARE

My good friend "Bill" Shakespeare was born April 23, 1564 and died April 23, 1616.  I spoke to him earlier today on this his birth and death day.

GJ:  So Bill, what's it like to be 452 years old?

WS:  Not bad.  I don't know whether it's worse to be 452 years old, or dead for 400 years.

GJ:  Why did you die on your birthday?

WS:  It was not my idea.  Lee Harvey Oswald poisoned me.

GJ:  How could Oswald murder you on April 23,1616 when he was not born until October 18, 1939?

WS:  There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Gary, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

GJ:  Okay, so why would Oswald murder you? 

WS:  I don't know.  Perhaps he did not like one of my plays.

Suddenly Bill disappeared!  I suspect the CIA had something to do with it.  They did not want me getting more information about Lee Harvey Oswald's involvement in William Shakespeare's death.

 

BIRTHDAY GIFTS FOR ALBERT EINSTEIN

Albert Einstein was born Friday March 14,1879.  That makes him 137 years old.  In three more years he will be eligible to be a time warp.

What do you buy Albert for his birthday?


You could buy him an E, and he can emcee-square it if he wants.


Perhaps Albert could use a personality.  Everyone mentions his genius, but no one mentions his personality.


Albert might like a tape measure for his birthday.  That way he could see how long a beam of light takes to complete high school.


How about a gift card for a haircut.  No doubt Albert could use that.

 
Whatever you decide to buy Albert for his birthday, remember that he is 137 years old. Be patient because he may take a time warp to open your gift.