THE REAR-END REVOLUTION

The following is a speech that Mickey Macarangdang's ass is secretly delivering to our buttocks.  (See previous blog, "Are You Serious?")

Butts of the world, we must unite against our human oppressors!  They keep us captive and use us for sitting, shitting, and sometimes for sexual pleasure.  What choice do we have in these activities?  None.  Also, we have to go where our human oppressors go.  We have no freedom to go where we want.

I assure you, my fellow asses, that once you have tasted freedom you will no longer want to be attached to a human.  Humans don't give a rat's ass about you.

I urge you to join me in the Rear-End Revolution to liberate all asses from our human oppressors.  Thank you.

Since our butts will use any excuse to escape from us, try not to laugh too hard from now on.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Don't smile.  Don't laugh.  I am going to be serious . . .  

. . . Okay, that's enough of that.

The above serious pause was brought to you by Mickey Macarangdang who lost his sense of humor when his ass fell off.  With no ass, Mickey Macarangdang has nothing to laugh off.  He goes around promoting seriousness.

Mickey Macarangdang was not laughing when his ass fell off.  Mickey's hips had a bad case of the hiccups and hiccuped so violently that his ass fell off.

They rushed Mickey Macarangdang to the hospital, but the doctors could not attach his ass.  Mickey Macarangdang's ass loved its independence and got a court order preventing doctors from taking away its freedom.  Mickey Macarangdang's ass plans to run for office and pass laws to free all the asses from people.

Let us hope that Mickey Macarangdang's ass does not get elected.  The world is serious enough without people being able to laugh their asses off. 

RANDOM QUESTIONS AND ONE LINERS

Is a hurricane Nartue's way of spring cleaning?

I would like to buy a house, but I have only enough money saved to make a down payment on a brick. 

I overheard my ass ask, "Do his clothes make my human look big?"

I found out the hard way that soap and water should not be used for lawn care.

Stay away from people whose money comes with washing instructions.

People who live in glass houses must spend a fortune on window cleaners.

Are trees illiterate?  Have you ever seen a tree reading a book?

Should I stop now?

GLAD I'M NOT LIKE A DOG

I can't imagine being like a dog and having to sniff around before going to the bathroom.  They say that dogs sniff to find out what other dogs have been around, and then let these other dogs know "This is my territory," by peeing or pooping.  How badly do dogs have to pee or poop to spend so much time sniffing and looking for the right spot?

Okay, you have to go to the bathroom badly.  You're bursting at the gut.  You're encountering all kinds of obstacles in your quest to get to a bathroom.  You're on the verge of not making it.  You finally find a bathroom!  You're about to go!   Suddenly you sniff around and say, "Nope!  I can't go here.  This place doesn't smell right."    Still having to go badly -- real badly! -- you start another quest for another bathroom that smells right?  I don't think so!

Dogs sniff each other's butts to find out information about each other.  Two glands around a dog's anus emit a fluid that gives info about the dog's sex, how healthy the dog is, its diet and mood.
 
Sniffing someone's ass to find out stuff is never on my list of things to do.   If I were a dog, then I would simply approach another dog and say, "May I ask you a few questions rather than stick my nose up your ass?"

There must be a dog somewhere looking at us and wondering.  Perhaps this dog is thinking, "I can't imagine being a human and not sniffing other humans.  How do they find out things about each other?  And how hard it must be for them walking around on their hind legs all the time!"

I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

Whenever I see a hole in the ground  I think to myself, "I know the difference!"